Oops... I did it Again

I quit Instagram

Photo by Cody Sells

Last year in September I triumphantly announced I quit Instagram. With all things quitting I also shared the caveat that I might come out of retirement but it felt like forever. I wanted to share today how and why I came back, and why I left again. And why I am telling you. Especially after I said I wouldn’t tell you again.

I quit Instagram

In September something broke in me, I just felt like I was on the app so much and it was shaping my mind and my experiences in a way that felt unnatural and I was so distracted. I wasn’t reading, paying attention to the news, or feeling connected to people or spirit. So I declared I would leave.

I felt free at last and had the best quarter I had ever had in my little art business - Flexible Office, Writing the Personal, and the Solstice Super Sale all brought in more money than I had seen in such a short time, all without social media.

In January I changed my name to Cody and felt that it was important to announce it on Instagram, even though I knew it was a dangerous thing to log back in, and it was. I am glad I did it because coming out can be exhausting to have to do it 1:1 with people over and over. I knew that by sharing it en masse I would alleviate some of the emotional labor of having to explain to people I had a new name.

Introducing Cody

By February I felt an incredible internal pressure to use Instagram to post about Palestine and share resources and art and reflections. I felt like it was the only portal into my politics, I wanted to use my platform for good, and I felt this strange feeling that my account just existed without expressing how I felt and where I stood. I also felt so helpless in the face of genocide and wanted to lend whatever tools I had to the movement.

This decision actually ended up making me feel out of alignment with my values, not closer to my values. I didn’t feel more connected to movement work or the people of Gaza and their suffering, I actually felt further from myself and the work at hand. There is plenty to do and show up for where I live, through other means, and using my newsletter to uplift people, places, organizations, and ideas.

I kept using it to promote things I was doing, share podcasts I was on, and use it the way I’d always used it : like a drug. I really do see the value in having a large platform and that I can use it to share information and resources - but at what cost to my own mental health? Is it worth it to use something that makes me less available in the end? Burns out my capacity, makes marketing feel flat and not fun, creates so much chaos in my brain that I can’t focus on my work or being of service.

I really wish it was all easier. That I could just perfectly balance using it for good and putting it down. I cannot. It is so simple and clear. The way I write about it reminds me of the first few essays I wrote for The Art Of which was the column I wrote that documented my time of trying to get sober and then finally quitting drinking in 2011. The first essays are really me trying to manage my drinking, getting it right, taking breaks, etc but still getting drunk.

At the end of the day my reasons for using social media are : I “should” and that I am scared not to. I am scared I will be forgotten. I am scared I won’t be relevant anymore. I am afraid to write a book about this and then not use it to promote it. Or feel pressure to use it to promote it. I know I treat my alcoholism one day at a time so I don’t know why I don’t apply this to Instagram as well. I think I should because I see people I love and admire using it with such clarity and passion.

I also think social media is an altar, a playground, a web of people and goodness. I don’t think it’s all bad, and I go to it to find the ways that I shape myself. I use it to shape how I want to be seen in the world and how I hope other people see the world. It is the first place someone stops to check out who you are - and I want it to feel current and reflective of where I am at. So it is scary to just leave it behind and lingering in the vortex of everything.

This last go at using it proved forevermore that there is no light and easy breezy way for me to use it. There is only one very addictive way for me to use it, and I don’t want to be in an active addiction. I want to be in recovery.

So here I am sharing : That was not fun. It was not fun to return, to feel defeated, and to feel like I had gone back on my own values. And at the same time, like so many who have relapsed from substances, I see how going back lead me to even more clarity that that is not a place for me to be.

So why would I break my own rule of not reporting when I would quit again? Accountability I guess, or it is just part of my process. Reporting live from the tornado this is Cody Cook-Parrott. Reporting live from figuring it all out. Reporting live from knowing that when I say things to the people it sticks a little better. And because perhaps you have had a similar experience with an app or a substance and it helps you to know the slipping in and out is part of the cycle.

I look forward to the creative ways marketing and mobilizing come into my life again without social media. I look forward to the quieting that my mind feels when I am not there. I was interviewed recently and talking about social media and my many years history of taking breaks, deactivating, and quitting and thought - How can I possibly justify staying on something that pulls me so far away from myself, my art, and my activism?

It’s only been a few days but I already see how much more engaged I am with the world, myself, my fellows, those in greater need than me, and my community.

If I am not free how will I support others in their own liberation?

THE SHAPES OF OUR OFFERINGS

A three week class for building ecosystems for creativity and ease between projects

Live on Zoom Sat June 8, 15, and 22 with co-working / office hours days the 12th and the 20th

I am so looking forward to teaching this class again - especially off of social media. I love talking about marketing as a creative practice and all the ways we can shape and share our offerings with the world without it.

In many ways this class is like a more in depth Newsletter Class - it is not solely focused on email marketing but we will really dig into the ways that a digital or physical newsletter can be an excellent source for service, self, and promotion.

There are payment plans, scholarships for all, and class is recorded if you have to miss a week. Respond to this email if you have any questions.

1. Tuesday June 4 at the Leland Library in Northern Michigan at 10am I am giving a talk with

   Molly Moynahan
   on the digital divide in publishing. Molly is an amazing novelist and we’ll both share our experiences with the publishing industry and writing books. There are talks every Tuesday and the schedule for the rest of the year is so good!
   Looking forward to :
   June 24 10am : “The Odawa People: History, Culture and Peacemaking,” presented by JoAnne Cook, educator and chief appellate judge for the Grand Traverse Band of Ottawa and Chippewa Indians

   July 15 10am : “The War in Gaza: An Historical Perspective,” presented by Dr. Christina Michelmore, professor of history

2. Sunday June 9 1-5pm I am hosting a free Open Studio at my studio in downtown Cedar with my amazing studio mate Meg Staley. We’ll have snacks and bubble water and it’s a little garage sale and I will have my books for sale and it will be a nice day. On the way to the beach 9027 S Kasson St Cedar, MI 49651

3. My dear friend Izzy Johnson has put together the amazing Entrails Magazine which you can order now :) ENTRAILS MAGAZINE is an art and literary publication made by people living with inflammatory bowel disease.

4. Friend and mentor Pam Vitaz is always inspiring to me a more generous and spacious host and is currently moving away from teaching and into supporting teachers and hosts. Perhaps you want to host a class at her space in Grand Rapids or be a part of her ecosystem. Pam’s guidance has been so valuable to me over the last decade and if you’re in Grand Rapids I recommend checking out the offerings in her sphere! Read her latest newsletter here

5. Window Place Applications are open and I am FLOORED at the people applying. I feel so grateful to see the enthusiasm for this project. Applications are due this SUNDAY May 26 - All artists writers weirdos welcome to apply for this skill trade exchange residency on five acres in rural Northern Michigan

6. Looking for an amazing clinical herbalist? May I recommend the amazing Hannah Schiller at Foliage Botanics. I am a recipient of their herbal CSA and it is so cool and amazing! I hosted Hannah at the CENTER residency in 2019 and am always amazed at their level of knowledge.

7. Another beautiful episode of Off The Grid with

   Ayana Zaire Cotton

8. Listening to this while I write

9. I am all signed up for

   Nic Antoinette
   money class How Much Money Is Enough? I will even be attending on my 36th birthday :) I loooooove everything Nic has to say about money and this class is going to be SO GOOD!

10. On The Violence of Zionism : The students encampments & why you should care by

    Fariha Róisín
    this week is a must read

⌇⋰ Website

⌇⋰ Email : info@codycookparrott.com

⌇⋰ P.O. Box 252 Cedar, MI 49621