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These adviceses are so Gemini and it gives me a great mirror and also just appreciation for the archetype that sometimes I get annoyed w. In myself (also a tornado Gemini person here)- permission granted! It might be you! But that’s okay! 😂❤️ I adore. Thank you for being you and for the gr8 advice

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Mar 31, 2023Liked by Cody Cook-Parrott

Wow, feeling so grateful to the folks who asked questions 1 and 3. I've been navigating very similar situations, so I appreciate folks asking and making me feel less alone and seen. And of course thanks to Marlee for always offering such thoughtful ways to move forward.

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Apr 1, 2023Liked by Cody Cook-Parrott

Thank you for these. Awe-inducing answers for brave, hard questions.

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<3

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Love all of this advice. Thank you all for your rigorous honesty!

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I was in the same position as writer #3. We sold the house at a "loss" and went back to renting where we loved living. I was stressed, angry, chronically upset - no amount of money was worth being that kind of mom or partner. We moved out 18 months ago and I JUST made the final Lowes credit card payment! I hope the new owners are enjoying the new windows, floors, and all the love and care we put into that house - genuinely! It was a great house & we are/were grateful for it & very happy for the new owners who got a great deal on it in our haste to be done with it. After that experience I now understand deep in my soul the motto "location, location, location!"

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Hi Mar, are you still doing an audio version of this advice column? Did I miss it?! Sounds like a podcast is on the way which I'm so happy to hear!

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I just embedded the audio version into the very end of the post! ENJOY!

Yes Yes will move away from traditional "podcast" formatting and be written with an option to listen to the audio, and a new podcast comes to you in May!

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Thank you so much for all of this. On the topic of addiction, I welcome any other treasured resources, and any thoughts or suggestions you have on the realities of a new(ish) romantic relationship with someone newly navigating sobriety. Thank you so much for your sweet and tender voice in a world that is so often neither of those things. I treasure your words and your spirit and am grateful you continue to share them with us.

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My experience of dating sober people, especially as a sober person myself : is to remember there are so many ways to get and stay sober and no one way is right. Just because I have a way that has worked for me for almost 12 years, absolutely doesn't mean it will work for someone else. So I really try to let them have the dignity of their own experience and experiment with what works and doesn't work for them.

New sobriety can be so exciting and also really scary. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself first, not the other person. This will keep your side of the street clean so that if something comes up you have the tools to navigate it.

Also what a gift :) Sober people are magic, even if we're messy as hell

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This is so affirming and helpful. I have my own painful history of loving people with addiction, and my first instinct was that this would be too triggering an experience for me to navigate. I wanted to run away from what hurt. So far, however, it has felt healing, and has offered me a new experience of my own boundaries and discernment. So yes, it has been a most unexpected gift.

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Yes! I am so glad. I love remembering that these tools for recovering from codependency or having loving boundaries with alcoholics or addicts or people who use in a way that we maybe don't like - we use these tools so we can be in relationship with them while maintaining relationships with ourselves. I have been in relationships with people with many years of sobriety that was harder than the connections I have had with newly sober people - dating or otherwise. Time sober doesn't necessarily equal availability for a relationships imho. So a newly sober person who is committed to finding themselves and dedicated to a new partnership is totally possible and worth celebrating!

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"I have been in relationships with people with many years of sobriety that was harder than the connections I have had with newly sober people - dating or otherwise. Time sober doesn't necessarily equal availability for a relationships imho. So a newly sober person who is committed to finding themselves and dedicated to a new partnership is totally possible and worth celebrating!"

Thank you, truly for this reminder.

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