What practices or rules do you place on yourself so that you may be present in your life?
Is it worth staying for the parts that don’t work in favor of your aliveness?
This week I logged out of Instagram forever. While I may be the boy who cried wolf with how often I have taken my breaks or deactivated or written about my mini departures, this was the first time I ever truly decided to leave. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
So many of you reached out with stories of your own departures or struggles with staying on. I’d love to have the above answered if you still use social media, and below if you’ve left or feedback from a break you took.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE? HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT? HOW IS YOUR LIFE EXACTLY THE SAME? DOES ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER?
I have spent the last few days a bit disoriented and also brimming with new ideas flooding into my brain. My mind has been waiting for this much space so that god could gift me with the bright ideas I have been waiting for. I had to make room though, I had to make room.
Friday Threads are where we come together as a community to share ideas, visions, and resources.
May this be a space where we feel safe and comfortable to share the hard truths around social media addiction. It can be so embarrassing! Frustrating! Tricky to navigate and talk about. Thats ok, in Friday Threads Club we show up as our full messy selves.
When I find myself missing social media, I turn instead to real life sources of what I am missing - connection. I call a friend. I look up artists and creative expressions on my own like in the olden days before there were algorithms. I read a book that I am holding in my hands and enjoy the physical turning of the pages. In very little time, I find a don’t miss social media at all and the quest for connection is actually far more fun than being spoon fed or force fed by today’s technology designed to prey on my human weaknesses.
Ooooh I love this idea. A nice trip to the library or quick dog walk would do so much more than picking up my phone to fill my brain with more noise. Thank you, Michelle!
The newsletter world of Substack has the feel of the old Instagram where meaningful connections could be made. I'm hoping that it stays like that. I've started focusing on writing here instead, (thanks to your Newsletter class on Skillshare!). I think social media is important, especially for creative work as a way of connecting and sharing. But instagram right now is very far from that place.
I don’t know if this hits exactly on your questions but my big struggle right now is that I’m a self-employed coach, speaker, and writer. I just published my first book and I want to keep writing them. Publishers require a platform, and social media is the platform. I’m hoping I can grow my Substack to the point that it is its own platform that makes publishers think I’m worthy of a book contract, but until then, I don’t know how to leave. I emailed my agent yesterday to ask her about this question, about the possibility of how else I could build a platform, so I’m trying to do the work of figuring out another way. But since I typically get clients through social media too, it feels impossible to leave, because I live paycheck to paycheck. Sorry I didn’t expect this to be so long, but I figured I’d open up since others might feel this way. Your choice to quit IG is inspiring to me -- thank you!
Yes yes yes - I could NOT relate more. I think for me I am grappling with the reality of - what if I can't get another book deal? I also absolutely waited to leave until I felt my newsletter list was both big enough to be considered a solid platform for publishers, big enough to fill my classes, and was also creating a sustainable income. I would have quit much earlier if I could have. It feels like my goal and wish to help other create those platforms elsewhere (like here) Thanks for sharing! I think so so many of us relate!
Thank you both so much for normalizing the experience. I do think the reality is waiting until my Substack is strong enough to help me in the ways I need to be helped, and just letting growing my Substack be enough for right now. I think that at least helps me feel like I have movement forward. Sending y’all my best!
For my book that comes out next year, the publisher had my social media handles in my bio, and I asked her if it would be ok if we took them off. I said, "I don't know if you have a policy about it -- do I have to have them on there? If so, then you can leave them." And she said they did not have a policy about it, and in fact I was the third author that week to ask to have them taken out of the bio. So I think it's changing. They definitely did requite a platform a few years ago, but I don't know if it's true so much anymore.
I feel the same! It’s really hard to walk away when you don’t have a large platform elsewhere and rely on social for work (I’m also a writer!). A lot of my connections and relationship building comes from Instagram. I feel like if it weren’t for that element, I’d be a lot more likely to peace out.
I’m in the same boat, just published my first book and it seems like when people get referred to me for my freelance work that’s the first place they go to check me out. BUT I also know that only a fraction of the people that find me is through IG! Mostly it’s referrals and my old podcast. So it feels like a crutch in some ways and like it may not be the loss I think it is if I left.
I am not writing a book, currently. However, I can totally relate to the coaching aspect of your post. Instagram is where I book most of my clients from. I work with a system of color that facilitates personal growth and awareness and it’s very visually enticing. So it works well to create content for it on Instagram. But I hate creating content for Instagram and I’m so exhausted by it and the game we have to play with the algorithm to keep people seeing our posts. I have tried to walk away several times and alway end up going back. Part of me just wants to have faith that it will all be okay if I do walk away, but I just don’t. I’m good at having rules for a while and then I find myself mindlessly scrolling in bed at 8pm and asking myself, “how did I get here!?”
The thing that bothers me about my own social media addiction is how much power I give those meaningless dopamine hits. It’s clear from screen time “pickups” that I need to find more self worth from within, instead of refreshing my email 100 times a day and seeing how many likes a post gets.
I know that feeling of disappointment very well. Then I get annoyed at myself for letting it affect my mood. I also notice if I avoid checking for a long period, I’ll check more frequently for a while after. I liken it to skipping breakfast and then being hungry all day.
I'm in the "I can't get off quite yet" boat. I'm a visual artist, Instagram is a visual platform, and it's how I have made the living I have (making art part-time, teaching art part-time is another lifeline I'm glad I have). Algorithm changes directly influence my income, which sucks, but being off the thing entirely isn't something I can afford right now. Despite me pushing for people to email me, DMs give me my biggest opportunities and breakthroughs (god I wish people could just email me). It's technically giving slightly more than it's taking but by a razor-thin margin that is sure to shift.
I'm building the off-ramp. My email list is in its infancy but it's what I promote when I can, and I protect the attention of my list folks from spam/sales-y stuff as much as possible. I met with gallery owner yesterday for more brick-and-mortar representation. I'm doing more craft markets - which I actually don't hate, I love selling in-person and it's a skill I have I should use more. I fixed my CV and applied for the first funded residency in years, and I am fixing up my website and looking for grants.
All this to say - I am currently truly stuck. I'm trying the same moderation strategies that failed me in my drinking. Some things have helped - I turned my laptop into a very cute desktop so I spend less time on the web overall (I'm addicted to any kind of scroll, even if it's the weather), I re-organized my phone to only have the basic needed apps easily available, I don't keep my phone on me. I use the Cold Turkey app on my computer to block ALL time-wastey sites after 10 am, and I am angry I can't do that on my phone. I don't have any notifications. It all works until I find myself just checking my DMs once a day and end up in a fucking black hole for twenty minutes. I WANT OUT. But my foundation had to be repaired and dog food is more expensive and the utilities keep going up. I can't afford to quit but I know I need to.
This all resonates so much, Molly! Especially "god I wish people could just email me" and "I want out" - I'm also a visual artist and truly feel stuck sometimes.
I left Twitter yesterday, Instagram a couple of years ago, and Facebook in 2017, after an amazing ACT therapist challenged me on it.
Context: I didn't use either in a professional capacity, but found I was in high levels of anxiety due to my usage of both. At one point I was living overseas and saw Instagram as a key way of connecting with folks back home, but the sadness at being far away and the worries that I was not on the same path as my peers took over. I saw friends weaponising social media to hide, hurt and perform, and I didn't like it, particularly when I felt myself doing it too.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE?
Scary, initially. I felt like I'd become untethered, and disconnected. The fear of FOMO was very real and I worried I'd be forgotten or left out of circles of contact and trust.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
It is better. For every time I miss a notification of a life event, I remind myself that if something is truly important, I will find out. I find I need to be more intentional in maintaining communication with people I care about most, but this is something that I benefit from, as I've been able to let other relationships that weren't as healthy peter out naturally. I like some people much more when I don't see their Insta-selves: I remember the reality of the person, for good or bad, and that truth has substantially refreshed and improved some key relationships for me. I don't have to be an observer to performativity.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE EXACTLY THE SAME?
I'm still here, I'm still in it, I still see friends, make memories, take photos. I haven't lost the people that matter most. I read a bit more and sometimes write letters.
DOES ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER?
I think as long as you feel better being off it, it matters that you make that decision for yourself and to reclaim your space. More and more people are moving away from social media and this makes me happy, and I think it is always easy to reason yourself into staying in a framework or relationship that doesn't serve you, through fear. You got this: you will be okay <3
I’ve been thinking about my social media addiction recently, so this is very timely. I don’t have Twitter or Facebook so Instagram is the only form of social media that sucks away my time. I don’t technically need Instagram for anything, my job/income is not dependent on it. But as a non-binary/trans person, being able to follow other queer/trans people is the number one reason I don’t just outright quit altogether. It’s the only part of Instagram that brings me joy, being able to feel seen in a certain type of way, and while I know I can get that other places it still just feels hard to walk away from. I’ve thought about just making a new account, almost like a burner account, and following just those accounts that I enjoy following but I fear even doing that will not prevent the inevitable doom scrolling and sucking up all my time. I feel quite stuck most of the time but I know I need to do something about it.
I quit Instagram on Jan 1 this year and before I left, I reached out to anyone I knew in real life on there who I wanted to stay connected with and asked for their phone number if I didn’t already have it. Next, I created a “burner account” and followed about 20 of my fave accounts that are all positive and uplifting: therapists, athletes, mental health accounts, etc almost like what I would want in magazine content. And I deleted the APP off my phone and only use my burner account on my browser. This has been AMAZING for me. 1. I still get the positive parts of insta without the negative (which is honestly mostly following people I know in real life - the unconscious and conscious comparing is insane) and 2. The browser experience on a phone is not great!! So I get off of it more quickly than if I was using my burner account on the real app. And 3. The fact that I only follow 20-30 accounts means I get “all caught up” pretty quickly.
I GAINED so much mental space, being able to live in the present moment, PRIVACY - I love that my life is no longer a spectacle for others. I love that if I date someone and we break up, there is no record of that publicly.
I’m also a better person. I used to just be judgemental of other’s posts or send something sort of offensive to someone if they popped into my brain when I saw it. Basically a whole lot of thoughtlessness was happening when I used insta. And I’d often end up hurting people I cared about.
I know who my real friends are. I think it can get really fuzzy to think some people on insta are your friends but in real life, would you even text?? If not, they’re not really friends they’re acquaintances.
I have gained TIME, FOCUS, confidence.
I have gained MOOD STABILITY. Oh my god when a post would piss me off, annoy me, irritate me, make me jealous, show the latest depressing news in the middle of my work day.... I HATED the emotional rollercoaster it had me on. I am about 1000x more stable in my emotions throughout my days. No meaningless distractions.
A lot of people my age are having kids and so to always see that on Instagram didn’t make me feel BEHIND, it made me feel like “what is so different about me (read: wrong with me) that I don’t want the thing that all these normies seem to want.
Escaping the inauthenticity has been truly amazing for someone like me who soooo values authenticity. All of my friends are a hell of a lot more authentic when we talk via text than when I see their Instagram posts.
When I left, I immediately had fully formed creative ideas delivered to me. It was willld!! I wrote this a few weeks after quitting:
“I LOVE MUSIC AGAIN. SONGS DON’T SEEM TOO LONG. At red lights I just sit there. I watch a person cross the street. I show up to a coffee date and really mean “what’s been up?” when I ask because I haven’t been following the instagram stories! What a joy to hear what’s been up from the mouth of a person, not the screen of my phone.”
I fully quit instagram just a couple weeks ago. So reading your posts here has been so helpful and spot on with how I've been feeling. I'm not a writer or a publisher, but I never liked the way I used instagram, the anxiety it caused me nor how life promotional it became. But I always thought I had to stay on to remain connected with others - until I realized that was leading to a disconnection from within. A cycle of comparison, of focus and interest in other's lives while putting down my own. So unhealthy. Anyway! Something just clicked (I've also been going through a breakup so I'm vulnerable and open to change and never wanted to be that person that was posting to show how "okay" they were when they were just balling in the car outside of Whole Foods 3 minutes ago) and I did it and left and haven't been on since. And now I feel so so free. Substack is my new form of social media and I couldn't be more appreciative to have found this community.
I deleted my instagram app earlier this week. I'm pregnant, in the thick of the misery of my first trimester, and haven't felt any reason to be on it. The app only makes me feel more alone and long for my pre-pregnant life when life felt simpler and easier... and when my body was smaller. I'm happy to be pregnant, but it hasn't come without grief, the resurfacing body image issues and a major identity crisis. Instagram ignited more shame, more loneliness and even resentment for this season of my life.
I do feel moments of lightness being off it, but I have replaced my natural thumb movement to land on Facebook marketplace and Gmail instead. I don't need any more stuff, and I don't get that many emails, so both of those apps leave me feeling disappointed. I feel like I'm still on my phone just as much.
I'm a visual artist and get frequent sales/business opportunities on Instagram, and I worry that being away means I will get less business and if/when I do come back, no one will see my shit. The algorithm has instilled fear and controlled my energy in many ways for four years now.
I don't have the following you've created through Monday Monday, Mar, and I admire your consistency and devotion to your work! I do have a small + loyal collector base, and a growing newsletter. Once I get through this season of pregnancy and feel more mentally clear, I hope to put some ideas on paper on ways I can create and connect with my community outside of Instagram.
It is grounding to see how many other folks are also stepping away, taking their power back and discovering a life without socials.
It’s really inspiring to read about you and others quitting social media. I’m not sure why I don’t. I’m not embedded in substack yet, even though I have a fair number of subscribers (I bought them with me rather than found them here.)
I am putting quite tight controls on SM though. Facebook, I have no friends or feed, only groups a couple of which are pretty vital. Then instagram I only follow 250 people, it’s on its way down to 200 at the moment.
I hope as I feel more connected in substack, I’ll manage to jump ship like some of you!
I do go on retreat a lot, I switch everything off and never miss it.
i left IG in december last year and it’s been incredible. it’s also meant a complete shift in my work because like others are mentioning that’s how i got clients and filled classes. but for me it’s been worth it.
i log back on occasionally to post articles i’ve written that i’m super proud of and share my engagement to my partner, but that’s probably 15 mins on IG in the past year and i don’t scroll.
i feel really freed from the brain space that IG used to suck up. by the end it was such a negative experience for me. i would find myself still feeling irritated over someone’s shitty hot take hours after reading it and just felt like: this isn’t real! i can just log off and not fill my brain with the random opinions of people i don’t know! this is not good for me! that was the last straw.
and my writing practice has completely taken off since then which is exactly what i want to nurture :)
I’m a tattooer early in my career and lately being on Instagram just makes me hate myself. It takes two seconds to see two hundred other tattooers blowing me out of the water. I found myself being like “why can’t it just be like the old days where you got to be new at something and no one was watching” so I made a post telling people to email me, call the shop or walk in if they want to get tattooed. It’s risky especially being a slower season but I guess an experiment to see how it goes. This is something I’ve been wanting and thinking about for a long time because the more space I get from IG the worse it makes me feel when I do log on. I wrote this list in my notes app months ago when I was thinking about why I quit drinking 3 years ago and what that felt like
Similarities of booze and social media
-Feels like real social connection but isn’t
-I feel far away from myself and disoriented when I’m using it a lot
-it sells the illusion of being cool or fitting in
-it only shows the highlights/ you don’t see hangovers or the things people don’t want to share
-feels like a quick comfort but doesn’t come without a price
-eats time
-feels mandatory
-both are money making industries that when you get down to it operate on people needing to fill a void
-addictive
-fomo- every night at the bar is the same/ every day on Instagram is the same / but we are afraid we will miss something if we aren’t there
-dopamine
-anxiety
-habitual
-bargaining behavior (if I learn to use it right like everyone else)
Sometimes it seems ridiculous to quit something you aren’t out of control with. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic or that addicted to social media. That doesn’t mean that they benefit my life
I have been profoundly inspired by your exit. I work as a therapist and this conversation comes up often enough where I know none of us are really alone, much like with addiction in general, but what I have been trying to understand more deeply is the WHY. Why am I so reliant on this virtual realm? Why does it "feel better" to be there than in my real life? Even though it doesn't, and I can feel my real life calling to me. I have been on the internet, socially, since 1999. That's 24 years of feeling the thrill of virtual social engagement. I imagine it will take just as long to deprogram myself, but what I do know is that it isn't something I can have in my life AND be fully content. How can I help my clients part ways or engage in social media in the healthiest way possible when I myself am ignoring the fact that it drains me? It drains me.
I think also, I grieve for what I will miss: birthdays, new babies, big projects, artistic growth, graduations, moves, pet updates. But none of us were supposed to know this much about one another at all times. Part of being human is experiencing "missing". I want to be okay with missing out.
“But none of us were meant to know this much about eachother at all times.” THAT THOUGH!!!!!!!!🙌🏻 our parents knew about I don’t know 2-3 weddings of their friends per year if that. Not fucking 100 engagements and 72 babies in one year. 😂 It is not good for us AT ALL.
I’m still on Instagram but I feel like I’ve left, in like a “soul has left the body” kind of way. The account is still there and sometimes I post, but it’s mostly like an external shell and I am not actually there filling it with juice. I realized I don’t want to be an Instagram artist. I don’t want to make content. I don’t want to have to log in regularly. When I do log in I see all of these posts about how to get more seen, which audio to use, how to manipulate people into pressing the share button. Does this activity contribute to my body of work? It does not! It takes away from it. I always say that none of my idols are Instagram famous. None of the artists I admire are putting their energy into the algorithm. After I took an extended months long break during the pandemic it’s never been the same. When I log in I feel more like a person walking on the street at night looking through lit windows and tiny tiny glimpses into a world that I do not belong to. Sometimes I get lured in by all of the ads and endless content and I start to feel myself dopamine seeking and it feels so good to just to get a message, or to see something new, etc, and then it feels so bad, and that’s when I delete the app. When I spend time away from Instagram it always gets replaced with beautiful things - learning, creating, researching, resting, connecting in real life. I love reading everyone’s responses here, and how much space you have when you remove Instagram as a distraction. It’s hard to see myself in this cycle of being good at being moderate for a small amount of time and then sliding fast to the point where I need to delete the app, and then going back again. I’m bringing SO MUCH compassion to myself, knowing one day I’ll get to the point where I feel safe to let go completely.
Kristen-I feel this exactly. And there are times when I think about the way I am so passive on Instagram is really the worst of it all. It's wasting time in the in-between world. My pottery practice turned into a business 7 years ago in large part thanks to IG. Since then so much has changed on that platform that does the opposite of inspiring me to post and participate. I am so close to the point of leaving it. My husband is always encouraging me to be MORE engaged as he sees that was how I originally found business success. In some last ditch effort/experiment I have decided to post every day for the month of October and see what comes of it. Honestly, I don't expect much. And after a full month of time & effort I will most likely take a very long leave if not finally walk away completely. PS-Mar you are always an inspiration!
I can relate to this too! I keep going back and forth between “do I double down my efforts? Or do I walk away completely”. If you remember, and it’s not too much to ask, I would really love to hear about how the month goes for you and what your reflections are about it!
I quit Instagram in likeeee 2018-2019 and FB/Twitter in 2020 and I do not actually miss it one single second. I love not knowing anything!!!!!!!!! My struggle is I still feel like I spend too much time on my phone lol with messages and emails and such I definitely still weirdly go to it when I have a free second :( so I guess that’s how it’s exactly the same. it’s like, what am I even checking. My boyfriend challenged me to not have to give up my phone completely to just use it less. I feel like I live in extremes where I either am addicted or just don’t give my access to the thing at all. So anyways, I have been trying to keep it to 2 hours or less.
I had originally gravitated towards Instagram as a way to grow my flower design/farm business. Also, I found myself turning to Instagram to connect with others and form some semblance of a community that I had felt was missing in my "real life", especially during the pandemic. The problem that I so often ran into was that it solicits the reduction of sensory information in our actual life, and with the onset of reels and ads surmounting, the space feels competitive, demanding perfection and rewarding you for spending more and more time on it. I don't feel like I can let go of it yet since I don't have a substantial following, but after reading your newsletter, I decided to deactivate it between posting. I have a schedule of 3-4 posts a week, and I re-download the app, post, and then delete it. In this way I'm thinking of Instagram more like "mailbox" that I visit a few times a week, close and then open again another day.
I had a long break from Instagram this year while I moved house. I was surprised by how quickly I forgot all about it and just got on with my life. It made me realise I can do without it if I want to. However, I run an art business and don’t have a big following either on Instagram or Substack - I need them both right now if I want to sell work. I cope with both platforms (i find substack equally as time-draining as insta) by doing other things with my hands: planting seeds, digging the garden, painting, sewing... I leave my phone behind when i’m working in the garden and the studio, and I’ve normalised switching it off for hours in the day.
For me, instagram is a lifeline during this current time in my life, which is a time of crisis and intense feelings of isolation. And - I am not sure how much it actually resolves those feelings, and it certainly feeds other areas of crisis (like body dysmorphia). Is it worth it? Maybe, if it wasn't so addictive and I was able to use it within the parameters of connection. I'm certainly not in a place right now to get rid of it, and I'm ok with that for now.
It does bother me, though. The rise of social media + the pandemic has resulted in SO MANY of my connections going online - even my family and I don't call each other anymore - we text. I am slowly unravelling how deeply I have missed real human connection - hearing voices, seeing faces, touching hands - and how my social anxiety has fed this reliance on technology-mediated connection. It is hard to ask people to break out of that and relate in other ways when that is the pattern in our relationship currently, but I am trying a little bit at a time.
I so deeply relate to it both being the lifeline in the crisis and feeding the crisis. Like, thats what hurts my heart. How it deeply has lead me to community and my people. And also isolated me beyond measure.
Thanks Mar for being so transparent with all. You have attained the large and engaged audience, that dangling carrot, appreciate so much to see “behind the curtain”.
I have a love/ mostly hate relationship with IG. Mostly feels like a time consuming weight/ rat race/ distraction~ Like for so many. I tell myself to treat it like a job… use it to connect, show my work, not let it use me…
I have gone off for long stretches at a time, and definitely feel freer and more present in my life when I do.
What pulls me back in is the feeling I “need” to post to keep growing my audience, to make sales, fill my classes, as I work on consistently writing a newsletter.
my plan has been/ is to shift my focus to blog/newsletter writing would come first and then I would simply pull bits from there.
I was getting extremely irritated of how way long it takes for me to write posts, so would go off.
But this is not the way to build an audience! i see my colleagues who have been consistently posting about consistent subjects and are now doing really cool things and have built their audiences and sell their work/fill their classes and so on.
I tell myself to “post and ghost” but find myself on there way too much if I am posting despite the plan not to be checking back in.
I feel undisciplined, and Ig makes my brain feel scrambled. Ok that was a long rant~ feeling one foot in and out and it sucks!
I was one of the first 3000 people to sign up for Twitter back in 2006. I made a lot of friends there, made connections, and it helped my career for sure. But from 2016 (UGGG) on, it was just hot garbage. I finally deleted my account a few months ago, and it feels great. I had about 2500 followers. Got a few to subscribe to my newsletter, but that was it. Just wasn't worth it to spend more time there for such little benefit.
I don't miss it one bit.
"Is it worth staying (ON INSTAGRAM) for the parts that don’t work in favor of your aliveness?"
Hardly. I know there's a few people on there I'd like to stay in touch with. I need to reach out and get their contact info, so someday I can leave. Two people come to mind, and it revolves around work / career / money. It's that fear I keep feeling.
I deleted my Facebook account around 9 years ago and instagram account around 7 years ago. I had to create a new Facebook account about a year ago to connect with a few parent groups (I’m a mom now) and Facebook and instagram have changed so much since I had accounts that the allure to use it is completely gone.
I so appreciate you sharing your experience with social media addiction. I have struggled with it for years but never have had the language to define it. Or on some level I did; on some level I recognized it as a form of addiction with which I am so familiar, but friends and family would chuckle and tell me “you can’t be addicted to Instagram” so I would continue logging in. I have been off for about a year now, and feel so much better for it.
My decade of being on social media has ruined my attention span, and one thing I have been working towards is being able to read a book again; I often begin but have difficulty finishing. In the absence of scrolling I enjoy going to the library, and finding delight in searching for books about artists I admire, poetry books, cookbooks & am often surprised by what books catch my eye ! I also enjoy taking walks in nature, moving slowly and noting the details in the landscape around me.
I’ve logged off insta a year and some ago, and haven’t looked back, much. But the occasional link takes me back, and the endless scroll is as if I never left.
I haven’t dealt with the dopamine depletion from the loss of IG, and now find myself endlessly scrolling on twitter, news outlets, FB, often clicking on the most hideous, painful stories and clickbait. Yuck! Like MAGA yuck, to stir something in me, to shock me, to illicit complicit shame? I’m trying to figure it out and would love a professional opinion :) or just an opinion.
I have to wonder if I’m projecting my overwhelm onto the ether, looking for external metrics of internal familiarity. And, I’m clearly addicted and I honestly don’t know what to do. So much of the addiction is not wanting to stop the anxious scroll. It is satisfying something, it is numbing. So sad for aliveness. Sometimes it feels out of control, as it did with another substance I’ve now been sober from for 3+ years. This is familiar, the out of control that also exudes an “I don’t care” attitude. A part of me that believes this is all there is, resignation is familiar. Hello old friend.
But yes, I want my life back, before the phone internet hijacked my relationship to myself.
I resonate with this so much and greatly appreciate your honesty. Getting off of IG was a huge step for me but I find ways to get sucked into content in other places. I do think smart phones have changed my brain and it scares me when I really think about it too long. I don't have the answer but I continue to try different things- deleting apps, using apps that block other apps- which seems ridiculous that I need technology to stop me from using technology. Sometimes I want to throw my phone in the ocean and then I remember how anxious I feel just from going somewhere with no cell service. I wonder if because technology is sold to us as a "way to connect" with others that without we feel we will truly be alone or isolated in the world. That we become irrelevant without our screens.
This is all to say that I think we need to continue being more honest about what's happening to us and how it's affecting us. I feel a lot of shame about my tech addiction but find it helpful to know it's not a unique experience
I logged off IG forever this week as well and I already feel lighter, though a little anxious with my brain default telling me that I’m “missing something”. Each time I feel that itch I lean into something I want to say something positive about, learn or do. I immediately feel excitement with purpose and my creative mind is awoken.
I’m also turning 39 this year and that was a huge, “am I going to be 40..50+ and still stressing about this still?!” That perspective really was a lightbulb moment for me that immediately makes me say, hell no.
Ever since starting and completing the Artist Way, I craved my teenage days of using a computer and consuming long-form content. Scrolling through algorithm-free Tumblr, writing fan fiction on YouTube, and reading various blogs was exciting. It would last an hour or two, and then I would move on. I don't have IG or TikTok anymore. I deleted it a few weeks ago. I am seeking to go back to sit at a computer to consume. Paying for the New Yorker Magazine to sit and read. Reading Substack at my desk. I watch YouTube at my desk. I even took the web browser off my phone so I don't anxiously research. I have left Instagram several times and get pulled back in, but filling the space with conscious consumption may be an answer for me. I also want to give myself a weekly day without content consumption or reading. I have implemented this starting last week, and I feel more myself. I like that I don't feel sucked into a vortex.
I keep thinking about you saying that getting away from social media permanently is creating new space in your brain. I've stepped far far away from social media (Twitter & Instagram for me) but I still have the accounts, and that is starting to feel like something I don't want at all anymore. But I don't quite feel ready to completely delete the accounts. A huge part of me feels like I need to keep them for occasional promotion. Even though, if I rarely go on, will anyone even see what I post?
The first time I took a break, the thing that struck me most was how much time I had, suddenly. Nothing felt frantic anymore. I could give things the time they took. I wasn't constantly rushing around.
There would be things that happened that I would have shared in the past, and suddenly it seemed so silly, or even wrong, to share them. I realized so much of what I was sharing was to feed the algorithm, and it was barely interesting and just adding to the noise. I decided that anything I share (in whatever form) -- I want it to be worth sharing.
Oh my god... this is such a timely & relevant topic for me. I didn’t used to spend a lot of time on social media or reading my emails & the news online or playing games on my phone, but I sure as heck do now! I’m at home all the time now & I hate how much of my day is spent looking at or interacting with this screen! I’m going to spend some more time on my screen right now and read the other comments above. This is the first time I’ve been on here. Maybe I’ll have more to share after that
I got rid of Facebook at the start of 2018, got rid of Twitter sometime in 2021 I think, and logged out of my Instagram accounts on New Year's Eve coming into 2023. I still use Pinterest and Tumblr (and now Substack, I suppose), but those fill the needs of what I have been looking for with social media - visual inspiration and connection to people with similar interests. My close circle of friends and my family I talk to outside of those mediums.
There are days where I feel a little bit of FOMO, to be honest, but only because a lot of YouTubers I watch will use Instagram, and so to some degree I feel like I'm not getting the full experience in the parasocial relationship?? Which is such a weird feeling to have.
Overall, though, it's recently got me thinking about the Internet of 20 years ago, and how there are themes of that making themselves known if you know where to look. It's exciting in that sense. I don't miss Instagram most days, which is such a mental relief.
I will also add that I didn't/don't use it for work (though maybe eventually I'd like to grow a newsletter into an income), so that helped in my decision-making.
I feel this so hard, Mar! I feel like I can't leave social media because of writing/book deal stuff and that makes it feel even worse. It's not fun to feel trapped.
I sit with this alllllllll the time. I go through days, weeks, months not posting and not scrolling but always find myself back. The pros are that I love sharing visual content and I like looking back on the videos or photo dumps or special moments. I also have so many friends and family that live all around the world so find the gram being the easiest thing to keep us connected while also being in our lives. I try and focus on the positives and then only post when I’m really feeling inspired. I also muted most people and regularly unfollow. I have no shame in curating my feed because it’s what I’m consuming and I want it to feel good.
I have taken a few long breaks from social media, one that was 10 months long. It usually takes my brain a few weeks to adjust to being off of it. I’m on it at the moment, a little trial period to see if I can be on it without it completely consuming my ability to focus. That’s usually what I notice being impacted the most by those platforms - my ability to focus, even if I don’t use them much. They still short circuit my brain somehow. It’s not great.
I've had limits on social media for myself for a few years (Instagram was the only one I continued to use- no app allowed on my phone: only browser with blockers on it). Yet, even spending 3-5 minutes each day on Instagram could make me feel awful- anxious and with a low self worth.
A week or so ago, I decided to not log on for a while. I wasn't actively posting, but I know what I am missing out on- messages and memes from family and friends, small business drops (who don't have newsletters), recipes and other things that brings me joy. I know it's not worth it for these things alone.
I feel less shame, for sure. One thing that has come up, as it has for others, is that I am a writer. I am writing my first novel, establishing a consistent practice on Substack (which I have not yet shared with many others), and have no interest in having an online presence via social media.
I too have only just left this week. After meaning to for quite some time, I finally made the leap after reading a handful of things (your post being one of them, The Chaos Machine being another) and logged out.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
I was able to sit and read for nearly an hour in the school pickup line, only reaching for my phone once or twice. It still feels a little weird making a big fuss about leaving but, after spending years there "because it's for work" I've finally decided it's just not worth it. It's the number one thing that kept me from actually doing the work... Plus, most of my work comes from referrals and I updated my links page, so if people really want to find me, they will. I'm leaning (hard) into that at the moment.
On Thursday, it will have been 6 months since I have logged in to my instagram, and I have only been able to achieve that level of sobriety by, finally, joining a 12 step program. Although I have likely qualified for other programs over the years, nothing else has ever enveloped my life and my identity quite like Instagram did. Although the program is for Internet and Technology addicts in general, and I do have two other completely off limits bottom lines - puzzle games and short form videos - I still find that Instagram was the most dangerous drug I have ever messed with. Of course to an extent we all know its designed that way - to be highly addictive - and for myself, someone who has an Addiction inside of them just looking around from something to grab on to, Instagram was just too much. After over 10 years of being in a toxic relationship with it, back and forth, on again and off again, through the fellowship I was finally able to say goodbye. I had considered, awhile ago, trying to reintroduce it after I had been sober for six months, hoping that the clarity would grant me a different relationship to it. And like all things I do want to be flexible, open to new possibilities. But here I am six months in and honestly I rarely miss it, and thinking of getting on there again immediately triggers me. There’s a joke one of my alcoholic friends makes, she says “oh I wish I could drink like normal people, just for a day.” But then she asks herself, “what would you do if you could?” And her response is always, “I would get soooo fucked up!!!!” At which point she knows, now is still not the time. And maybe the time will never be. I feel the same about instagram. I wish I could be someone who uses it socially or professionally, but for now, absolutely no fucking way.
A small thing I did about a year ago to start fighting my social media addiction is to just not keep my phone in my pocket. I bring my phone with me everywhere, I just keep it in my backpack or tote bag, and only take it out when I know I need something. No longer having it continuously in arm’s reach completely changed my relationship to it. When I started doing this I noticed I had a continuous impulse to just grab it and hold it in my hand, like a comfort object. That alone made me realise how dependent I really was. Once I got used to not having it attached to me all the time it became a lot easier to recognise the addictive impulses and to fight against them. Nowadays I don’t have any social media on my phone and mostly just pick it up to listen to music or check emails. It’s very freeing!!
I am trying to grow my business on IG and I keep saying to myself WHAT COULD MAKE THIS MORE FUN?! And all of these comments and this conversation feels so validating that there isn't something wrong with me that I find it exhausting, limiting, and definitely NOT FUN! I still feel stuck there but this conversation feels like it's releasing some pressure. Thanks everyone.
I left instagram a year ago - I didn't use it for work/income purposes which certainly made it easier!
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE?
At first, excruciating. Now, I don't miss it except when:
- I think about the day to day updates that I miss from far away close friends (most of my beloveds are away from where I live now). Have considered making a small insta with just these folks but it feels like it could snowball fast.
- A friend will mention in person some content they saw with me in it on someone else's instagram (I wonder if it was a good photo, what kind of information was shared, etc).
- I'm bored and want easy distraction.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
In one of my previous times taking an insta break, I had this moment where I was camping in beautiful Joshua Tree, I met some lovely camp neighbours, it was a full moon, we shared food and bevies, and then one of the people brought out their violin and started serenading the moon. In this stunning moment, my literal first thought was "wow - I should capture this to post on instagram." This was a huge wakeup call and anytime my mind goes to that thought when I'm in beautiful moments or thinks to capture "content" before being fully present in the moment, I plan to take more space from socials. After being off insta for a year, I find that instinct to share "content" getting smaller and smaller and almost totally gone, and I'm way more able to be fully present for my life.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE EXACTLY THE SAME?
I thought my screen time would go all the way down after taking space from insta, but it's still significant with fb, youtube, emails, other internet rabbit holes. It's demoralizing but I'm realizing the addiction wasn't just to insta, it's also to my phone (thinking about maybe going back to my flip phone).
DOES ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER?
Yes. I also left insta a year ago because I was deep in sad-making comparison of my life to everyone else's shiny lives they presented on insta - I am making less comparisons now and feel happier with my own life. I think it always matters, if it leads to more joy and less sorrow.
I have been off of social media since spring, and it felt like stepping out of a made up world. I can almost feel like looking into my phone is peering into a chasm, like existing somewhere other than the here and now that surrounds me. I do miss aspects, but that’s to be expected. Posting on Instagram often felt like whispering into a void, but it did satisfy some social yearnings. I have yet to fill the social void with in-person connection (outside of family) so I feel socially isolated. I also waste less time; have the ability for deeper work and focus; and my mind is freeer. I feel like I released myself from tethers of false importance and remembered what actually mattered. I’m also deeply glad to cut at least one string from the people demanding our time and attention. Now to work on nurturing social connection outside of the home. But I don’t know how to fit it in, or how to get over my resistance.
Of note: I used social media for personal (a private account for friends and family), work (writer and yoga teacher), and specific community (homeschooling, writing/reading, and yoga)
Does anyone feel like they've achieved a satisfying relationship with social media? If so, I'd love to know some steps you've taken to get there. Asking on behalf of most folks on social media.
I’ve been feeling the desire to not connect via social media. Currently have insta account for family and close friends who live far away. Another account that is an art project and feels just fine to have. Not much interaction within it. But discontinued use for connecting with people I don’t know or live in my community. It feels good to find out what their up to in an authentic way
I am majorly addicted to my phone in general however. Looking for ways to unhook
I’ve also been seeing a rise of people keeping a tight lid around privacy on their social presence, especially Instagram. People not using their full name on Instagram so they can’t be found, keeping their audience very small to just people they know IRL. Even the rise of the “finsta” signals a shift!
It doesn’t quite address the addiction bit of what you’re talking about but hopefully with the eased up pressure there becomes fewer forces on writers/artists/organizers to be so publicly online
I have struggled with selective mutism throughout my life and I can open up online in ways I can’t in person. After a lifetime of being this way, I don’t have people I can talk to in real life, so I turn to social media. I am hyper aware of the fact that people don’t like my content, so I do try to limit how often I post to prevent people from unfollowing me. Without other people, it’s just me in my head, and that can be a sad, lonely place.
I’m adding a little more relevant context since I have the energy today. I do still have Instagram, Facebook, and Reddit accounts. My Facebook and Instagram are set to friends only, and I do not accept requests from anyone I do not know. I unfollow, unfriend, or block people I do not want to see content from. When I become conscious that I am spending too much time scrolling, I put my phone down and do something else. This past week, I didn’t have enough spoons to do the things, so I scrolled pretty mindlessly at night after work. It didn’t feel good, so this morning, when I do have the spoons to do the things, I put my phone down so I can thoughtfully engage with my hobbies and interests rather than social media. I have Inattentive ADHD and use a modified Pomodoro method when I am working on a craft, my job, or anything that requires attention. I focus solely on whatever thing for a set period of time (about 30 minutes). I always have my phone on mute so I never have audio visual distractions. I give myself a tiny break in between (about 10 minutes) to take care of my needs, check in with my pet, and check any important notifications that need my attention.
mmmm yes ~ that person also has social media still it appears :) i’m so curious what changed (no judgement just fascinated by all of our leavings and returnings)
That's funny! I hadn't checked, I think this post was from a while ago. And absolutely 💯 the leavings and the returnings. I'm still what you would call *here* but not *really* engaging or trying to do anything with it. Meaning my personal IG. If anything, I'm struggling whether to even bother doing one for 365 Mindful Days, the only reason would be to remind students that our "private space" exists. Something we can touch base on next week during our call, perhaps!
I periodically delete it and take breaks. Sometimes for days or weeks. One time for 5 months. I’m on a 1 month break and counting right now. One of the main things that keeps me on there is that it helps me stay on top of what’s going on in my area - new businesses, events, volunteer opportunities, etc. I have 2 accounts - a food one and a personal one. The food one is a bit of my creative outlet and cooking and baking inspiration. I mostly only follow other food accounts, local stuff, and artists. I have a healthier relationship with that one. Maybe because it serves a more specific purpose? I don’t catch myself endlessly scrolling and chasing the dopamine hits as much.
Hi Marlee, it’s Taylor from high school ;) Been so fun to watch your career online. This post hit a nerve and I won’t be surprised to see more and more like it from other sources in the coming years. We really are the generation navigating all of this for the first time. So much opportunity to learn and fail. I assume you have read Digital Minimalism? When he said apps are literally designed to buy our attention, I decided I had enough. My attention is not for sale. I’m a SAHM right now so the temptation to be on my phone is strong. And yet I’m consistently unhappy and anxious when I’m on it too much. I have no social media for the most part (I delete and download the Instagram app only when it feels most fun). I also blocked news on my phone. This leaves me reading lots of cool Substack and opinion articles that genuinely feel smart and life giving. Ugh , I also deleted Spotify just this morning because I realized it was triggering OCD. I’m sad to let that one go right now but I immediately felt free and I’d say that’s a telling sign! Sending love, T
Edited to add I deleted Facebook when I had my first kid and I also have YouTube and Reddit blocked on my phone. Bummer times lol but it makes me so happy
Hi. This is a topic of great interest, thanks for initiating the discussion. I deactivated my Facebook account 3 weeks ago. I still have Instagram and I am ambivalent about whether or not I will remain there. Leaving FB has been restorative. My anxiety and irritability has decreased dramatically. I don't do well having the voices of other people clamoring in my head - I mean that metaphorically. Don't call the paddy wagon, lol. Facebook seems to be addictive for gen x'ers like myself as well as boomers and IG is addictive for my younger millennial and Gen Z friends. I do enjoy aspects of Instagram, hence my reluctance to leave, but I don't like that it is part of Meta and I don't like the emphasis on Influencer culture and consumerism. Leaving Facebook, while positive in myriad ways, still feels odd. I don't think I am quite over the dependency hurdle. I am eager to hear what others have to say on the topic. My worst habit with Instagram is random scrolling. A terrible habit that winnows away time that could be spent on meaningful engagement. I left Twitter last year, but I rarely used the platform. I'd be interested to hear what those who have left all of social media platforms entirely might say, about whether that was difficult for them and how they circumvented temptation to return to the platforms that so many of us engage with, even though they seem to make us unhappy and unhealthy.
I stay on Instagram because it's still a "social" app for me- I hear about house parties and shows from friends of friends, as well as political events and local news. I've muted a bunch of people whose updates make me feel small, and I have a 10 min limit on my phone. I guess my world on there isn't interesting enough to get me addicted. But it's fascinating to hear about your experience, as well as others in this chat who have found large professional followings there. It's just very different
When I find myself missing social media, I turn instead to real life sources of what I am missing - connection. I call a friend. I look up artists and creative expressions on my own like in the olden days before there were algorithms. I read a book that I am holding in my hands and enjoy the physical turning of the pages. In very little time, I find a don’t miss social media at all and the quest for connection is actually far more fun than being spoon fed or force fed by today’s technology designed to prey on my human weaknesses.
yes I often say I am looking for god in my phone and god doesn't live there! thanks for sharing this
Ooooh I love this idea. A nice trip to the library or quick dog walk would do so much more than picking up my phone to fill my brain with more noise. Thank you, Michelle!
The newsletter world of Substack has the feel of the old Instagram where meaningful connections could be made. I'm hoping that it stays like that. I've started focusing on writing here instead, (thanks to your Newsletter class on Skillshare!). I think social media is important, especially for creative work as a way of connecting and sharing. But instagram right now is very far from that place.
I don’t know if this hits exactly on your questions but my big struggle right now is that I’m a self-employed coach, speaker, and writer. I just published my first book and I want to keep writing them. Publishers require a platform, and social media is the platform. I’m hoping I can grow my Substack to the point that it is its own platform that makes publishers think I’m worthy of a book contract, but until then, I don’t know how to leave. I emailed my agent yesterday to ask her about this question, about the possibility of how else I could build a platform, so I’m trying to do the work of figuring out another way. But since I typically get clients through social media too, it feels impossible to leave, because I live paycheck to paycheck. Sorry I didn’t expect this to be so long, but I figured I’d open up since others might feel this way. Your choice to quit IG is inspiring to me -- thank you!
Yes yes yes - I could NOT relate more. I think for me I am grappling with the reality of - what if I can't get another book deal? I also absolutely waited to leave until I felt my newsletter list was both big enough to be considered a solid platform for publishers, big enough to fill my classes, and was also creating a sustainable income. I would have quit much earlier if I could have. It feels like my goal and wish to help other create those platforms elsewhere (like here) Thanks for sharing! I think so so many of us relate!
Thank you both so much for normalizing the experience. I do think the reality is waiting until my Substack is strong enough to help me in the ways I need to be helped, and just letting growing my Substack be enough for right now. I think that at least helps me feel like I have movement forward. Sending y’all my best!
yes movement forward. and no shame for staying! I'm excited to see what other people share about taking breaks <3
For my book that comes out next year, the publisher had my social media handles in my bio, and I asked her if it would be ok if we took them off. I said, "I don't know if you have a policy about it -- do I have to have them on there? If so, then you can leave them." And she said they did not have a policy about it, and in fact I was the third author that week to ask to have them taken out of the bio. So I think it's changing. They definitely did requite a platform a few years ago, but I don't know if it's true so much anymore.
I feel the same! It’s really hard to walk away when you don’t have a large platform elsewhere and rely on social for work (I’m also a writer!). A lot of my connections and relationship building comes from Instagram. I feel like if it weren’t for that element, I’d be a lot more likely to peace out.
I’m in the same boat, just published my first book and it seems like when people get referred to me for my freelance work that’s the first place they go to check me out. BUT I also know that only a fraction of the people that find me is through IG! Mostly it’s referrals and my old podcast. So it feels like a crutch in some ways and like it may not be the loss I think it is if I left.
I am not writing a book, currently. However, I can totally relate to the coaching aspect of your post. Instagram is where I book most of my clients from. I work with a system of color that facilitates personal growth and awareness and it’s very visually enticing. So it works well to create content for it on Instagram. But I hate creating content for Instagram and I’m so exhausted by it and the game we have to play with the algorithm to keep people seeing our posts. I have tried to walk away several times and alway end up going back. Part of me just wants to have faith that it will all be okay if I do walk away, but I just don’t. I’m good at having rules for a while and then I find myself mindlessly scrolling in bed at 8pm and asking myself, “how did I get here!?”
I’m in the same place where I can stick to rules and a limit for a while but then within days it’s late night scrolling and “how did I get here?
The thing that bothers me about my own social media addiction is how much power I give those meaningless dopamine hits. It’s clear from screen time “pickups” that I need to find more self worth from within, instead of refreshing my email 100 times a day and seeing how many likes a post gets.
Yes to this! And feeling disappointed when they don't come. Or posting only what I thought would get them, vs what was actually meaningful.
I know that feeling of disappointment very well. Then I get annoyed at myself for letting it affect my mood. I also notice if I avoid checking for a long period, I’ll check more frequently for a while after. I liken it to skipping breakfast and then being hungry all day.
I'm in the "I can't get off quite yet" boat. I'm a visual artist, Instagram is a visual platform, and it's how I have made the living I have (making art part-time, teaching art part-time is another lifeline I'm glad I have). Algorithm changes directly influence my income, which sucks, but being off the thing entirely isn't something I can afford right now. Despite me pushing for people to email me, DMs give me my biggest opportunities and breakthroughs (god I wish people could just email me). It's technically giving slightly more than it's taking but by a razor-thin margin that is sure to shift.
I'm building the off-ramp. My email list is in its infancy but it's what I promote when I can, and I protect the attention of my list folks from spam/sales-y stuff as much as possible. I met with gallery owner yesterday for more brick-and-mortar representation. I'm doing more craft markets - which I actually don't hate, I love selling in-person and it's a skill I have I should use more. I fixed my CV and applied for the first funded residency in years, and I am fixing up my website and looking for grants.
All this to say - I am currently truly stuck. I'm trying the same moderation strategies that failed me in my drinking. Some things have helped - I turned my laptop into a very cute desktop so I spend less time on the web overall (I'm addicted to any kind of scroll, even if it's the weather), I re-organized my phone to only have the basic needed apps easily available, I don't keep my phone on me. I use the Cold Turkey app on my computer to block ALL time-wastey sites after 10 am, and I am angry I can't do that on my phone. I don't have any notifications. It all works until I find myself just checking my DMs once a day and end up in a fucking black hole for twenty minutes. I WANT OUT. But my foundation had to be repaired and dog food is more expensive and the utilities keep going up. I can't afford to quit but I know I need to.
This all resonates so much, Molly! Especially "god I wish people could just email me" and "I want out" - I'm also a visual artist and truly feel stuck sometimes.
I left Twitter yesterday, Instagram a couple of years ago, and Facebook in 2017, after an amazing ACT therapist challenged me on it.
Context: I didn't use either in a professional capacity, but found I was in high levels of anxiety due to my usage of both. At one point I was living overseas and saw Instagram as a key way of connecting with folks back home, but the sadness at being far away and the worries that I was not on the same path as my peers took over. I saw friends weaponising social media to hide, hurt and perform, and I didn't like it, particularly when I felt myself doing it too.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE?
Scary, initially. I felt like I'd become untethered, and disconnected. The fear of FOMO was very real and I worried I'd be forgotten or left out of circles of contact and trust.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
It is better. For every time I miss a notification of a life event, I remind myself that if something is truly important, I will find out. I find I need to be more intentional in maintaining communication with people I care about most, but this is something that I benefit from, as I've been able to let other relationships that weren't as healthy peter out naturally. I like some people much more when I don't see their Insta-selves: I remember the reality of the person, for good or bad, and that truth has substantially refreshed and improved some key relationships for me. I don't have to be an observer to performativity.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE EXACTLY THE SAME?
I'm still here, I'm still in it, I still see friends, make memories, take photos. I haven't lost the people that matter most. I read a bit more and sometimes write letters.
DOES ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER?
I think as long as you feel better being off it, it matters that you make that decision for yourself and to reclaim your space. More and more people are moving away from social media and this makes me happy, and I think it is always easy to reason yourself into staying in a framework or relationship that doesn't serve you, through fear. You got this: you will be okay <3
I’ve been thinking about my social media addiction recently, so this is very timely. I don’t have Twitter or Facebook so Instagram is the only form of social media that sucks away my time. I don’t technically need Instagram for anything, my job/income is not dependent on it. But as a non-binary/trans person, being able to follow other queer/trans people is the number one reason I don’t just outright quit altogether. It’s the only part of Instagram that brings me joy, being able to feel seen in a certain type of way, and while I know I can get that other places it still just feels hard to walk away from. I’ve thought about just making a new account, almost like a burner account, and following just those accounts that I enjoy following but I fear even doing that will not prevent the inevitable doom scrolling and sucking up all my time. I feel quite stuck most of the time but I know I need to do something about it.
I quit Instagram on Jan 1 this year and before I left, I reached out to anyone I knew in real life on there who I wanted to stay connected with and asked for their phone number if I didn’t already have it. Next, I created a “burner account” and followed about 20 of my fave accounts that are all positive and uplifting: therapists, athletes, mental health accounts, etc almost like what I would want in magazine content. And I deleted the APP off my phone and only use my burner account on my browser. This has been AMAZING for me. 1. I still get the positive parts of insta without the negative (which is honestly mostly following people I know in real life - the unconscious and conscious comparing is insane) and 2. The browser experience on a phone is not great!! So I get off of it more quickly than if I was using my burner account on the real app. And 3. The fact that I only follow 20-30 accounts means I get “all caught up” pretty quickly.
I GAINED so much mental space, being able to live in the present moment, PRIVACY - I love that my life is no longer a spectacle for others. I love that if I date someone and we break up, there is no record of that publicly.
I’m also a better person. I used to just be judgemental of other’s posts or send something sort of offensive to someone if they popped into my brain when I saw it. Basically a whole lot of thoughtlessness was happening when I used insta. And I’d often end up hurting people I cared about.
I know who my real friends are. I think it can get really fuzzy to think some people on insta are your friends but in real life, would you even text?? If not, they’re not really friends they’re acquaintances.
I have gained TIME, FOCUS, confidence.
I have gained MOOD STABILITY. Oh my god when a post would piss me off, annoy me, irritate me, make me jealous, show the latest depressing news in the middle of my work day.... I HATED the emotional rollercoaster it had me on. I am about 1000x more stable in my emotions throughout my days. No meaningless distractions.
A lot of people my age are having kids and so to always see that on Instagram didn’t make me feel BEHIND, it made me feel like “what is so different about me (read: wrong with me) that I don’t want the thing that all these normies seem to want.
Escaping the inauthenticity has been truly amazing for someone like me who soooo values authenticity. All of my friends are a hell of a lot more authentic when we talk via text than when I see their Instagram posts.
This gives me such hope, Katie! Thank you so much for replying to my comment to send me here. ✨
When I left, I immediately had fully formed creative ideas delivered to me. It was willld!! I wrote this a few weeks after quitting:
“I LOVE MUSIC AGAIN. SONGS DON’T SEEM TOO LONG. At red lights I just sit there. I watch a person cross the street. I show up to a coffee date and really mean “what’s been up?” when I ask because I haven’t been following the instagram stories! What a joy to hear what’s been up from the mouth of a person, not the screen of my phone.”
https://stephaniemendeloff.substack.com/p/the-joy-of-quitting-instagram?utm_medium=reader2
https://stephaniemendeloff.substack.com/p/part-2-the-joy-of-quitting-instagram
I fully quit instagram just a couple weeks ago. So reading your posts here has been so helpful and spot on with how I've been feeling. I'm not a writer or a publisher, but I never liked the way I used instagram, the anxiety it caused me nor how life promotional it became. But I always thought I had to stay on to remain connected with others - until I realized that was leading to a disconnection from within. A cycle of comparison, of focus and interest in other's lives while putting down my own. So unhealthy. Anyway! Something just clicked (I've also been going through a breakup so I'm vulnerable and open to change and never wanted to be that person that was posting to show how "okay" they were when they were just balling in the car outside of Whole Foods 3 minutes ago) and I did it and left and haven't been on since. And now I feel so so free. Substack is my new form of social media and I couldn't be more appreciative to have found this community.
I deleted my instagram app earlier this week. I'm pregnant, in the thick of the misery of my first trimester, and haven't felt any reason to be on it. The app only makes me feel more alone and long for my pre-pregnant life when life felt simpler and easier... and when my body was smaller. I'm happy to be pregnant, but it hasn't come without grief, the resurfacing body image issues and a major identity crisis. Instagram ignited more shame, more loneliness and even resentment for this season of my life.
I do feel moments of lightness being off it, but I have replaced my natural thumb movement to land on Facebook marketplace and Gmail instead. I don't need any more stuff, and I don't get that many emails, so both of those apps leave me feeling disappointed. I feel like I'm still on my phone just as much.
I'm a visual artist and get frequent sales/business opportunities on Instagram, and I worry that being away means I will get less business and if/when I do come back, no one will see my shit. The algorithm has instilled fear and controlled my energy in many ways for four years now.
I don't have the following you've created through Monday Monday, Mar, and I admire your consistency and devotion to your work! I do have a small + loyal collector base, and a growing newsletter. Once I get through this season of pregnancy and feel more mentally clear, I hope to put some ideas on paper on ways I can create and connect with my community outside of Instagram.
It is grounding to see how many other folks are also stepping away, taking their power back and discovering a life without socials.
xo
Courtney
It’s really inspiring to read about you and others quitting social media. I’m not sure why I don’t. I’m not embedded in substack yet, even though I have a fair number of subscribers (I bought them with me rather than found them here.)
I am putting quite tight controls on SM though. Facebook, I have no friends or feed, only groups a couple of which are pretty vital. Then instagram I only follow 250 people, it’s on its way down to 200 at the moment.
I hope as I feel more connected in substack, I’ll manage to jump ship like some of you!
I do go on retreat a lot, I switch everything off and never miss it.
i left IG in december last year and it’s been incredible. it’s also meant a complete shift in my work because like others are mentioning that’s how i got clients and filled classes. but for me it’s been worth it.
i log back on occasionally to post articles i’ve written that i’m super proud of and share my engagement to my partner, but that’s probably 15 mins on IG in the past year and i don’t scroll.
i feel really freed from the brain space that IG used to suck up. by the end it was such a negative experience for me. i would find myself still feeling irritated over someone’s shitty hot take hours after reading it and just felt like: this isn’t real! i can just log off and not fill my brain with the random opinions of people i don’t know! this is not good for me! that was the last straw.
and my writing practice has completely taken off since then which is exactly what i want to nurture :)
I’m a tattooer early in my career and lately being on Instagram just makes me hate myself. It takes two seconds to see two hundred other tattooers blowing me out of the water. I found myself being like “why can’t it just be like the old days where you got to be new at something and no one was watching” so I made a post telling people to email me, call the shop or walk in if they want to get tattooed. It’s risky especially being a slower season but I guess an experiment to see how it goes. This is something I’ve been wanting and thinking about for a long time because the more space I get from IG the worse it makes me feel when I do log on. I wrote this list in my notes app months ago when I was thinking about why I quit drinking 3 years ago and what that felt like
Similarities of booze and social media
-Feels like real social connection but isn’t
-I feel far away from myself and disoriented when I’m using it a lot
-it sells the illusion of being cool or fitting in
-it only shows the highlights/ you don’t see hangovers or the things people don’t want to share
-feels like a quick comfort but doesn’t come without a price
-eats time
-feels mandatory
-both are money making industries that when you get down to it operate on people needing to fill a void
-addictive
-fomo- every night at the bar is the same/ every day on Instagram is the same / but we are afraid we will miss something if we aren’t there
-dopamine
-anxiety
-habitual
-bargaining behavior (if I learn to use it right like everyone else)
Sometimes it seems ridiculous to quit something you aren’t out of control with. I don’t consider myself an alcoholic or that addicted to social media. That doesn’t mean that they benefit my life
I have been profoundly inspired by your exit. I work as a therapist and this conversation comes up often enough where I know none of us are really alone, much like with addiction in general, but what I have been trying to understand more deeply is the WHY. Why am I so reliant on this virtual realm? Why does it "feel better" to be there than in my real life? Even though it doesn't, and I can feel my real life calling to me. I have been on the internet, socially, since 1999. That's 24 years of feeling the thrill of virtual social engagement. I imagine it will take just as long to deprogram myself, but what I do know is that it isn't something I can have in my life AND be fully content. How can I help my clients part ways or engage in social media in the healthiest way possible when I myself am ignoring the fact that it drains me? It drains me.
I think also, I grieve for what I will miss: birthdays, new babies, big projects, artistic growth, graduations, moves, pet updates. But none of us were supposed to know this much about one another at all times. Part of being human is experiencing "missing". I want to be okay with missing out.
“But none of us were meant to know this much about eachother at all times.” THAT THOUGH!!!!!!!!🙌🏻 our parents knew about I don’t know 2-3 weddings of their friends per year if that. Not fucking 100 engagements and 72 babies in one year. 😂 It is not good for us AT ALL.
Good point!! It's too much to observe and be observed.
I’m still on Instagram but I feel like I’ve left, in like a “soul has left the body” kind of way. The account is still there and sometimes I post, but it’s mostly like an external shell and I am not actually there filling it with juice. I realized I don’t want to be an Instagram artist. I don’t want to make content. I don’t want to have to log in regularly. When I do log in I see all of these posts about how to get more seen, which audio to use, how to manipulate people into pressing the share button. Does this activity contribute to my body of work? It does not! It takes away from it. I always say that none of my idols are Instagram famous. None of the artists I admire are putting their energy into the algorithm. After I took an extended months long break during the pandemic it’s never been the same. When I log in I feel more like a person walking on the street at night looking through lit windows and tiny tiny glimpses into a world that I do not belong to. Sometimes I get lured in by all of the ads and endless content and I start to feel myself dopamine seeking and it feels so good to just to get a message, or to see something new, etc, and then it feels so bad, and that’s when I delete the app. When I spend time away from Instagram it always gets replaced with beautiful things - learning, creating, researching, resting, connecting in real life. I love reading everyone’s responses here, and how much space you have when you remove Instagram as a distraction. It’s hard to see myself in this cycle of being good at being moderate for a small amount of time and then sliding fast to the point where I need to delete the app, and then going back again. I’m bringing SO MUCH compassion to myself, knowing one day I’ll get to the point where I feel safe to let go completely.
Kristen-I feel this exactly. And there are times when I think about the way I am so passive on Instagram is really the worst of it all. It's wasting time in the in-between world. My pottery practice turned into a business 7 years ago in large part thanks to IG. Since then so much has changed on that platform that does the opposite of inspiring me to post and participate. I am so close to the point of leaving it. My husband is always encouraging me to be MORE engaged as he sees that was how I originally found business success. In some last ditch effort/experiment I have decided to post every day for the month of October and see what comes of it. Honestly, I don't expect much. And after a full month of time & effort I will most likely take a very long leave if not finally walk away completely. PS-Mar you are always an inspiration!
I can relate to this too! I keep going back and forth between “do I double down my efforts? Or do I walk away completely”. If you remember, and it’s not too much to ask, I would really love to hear about how the month goes for you and what your reflections are about it!
I quit Instagram in likeeee 2018-2019 and FB/Twitter in 2020 and I do not actually miss it one single second. I love not knowing anything!!!!!!!!! My struggle is I still feel like I spend too much time on my phone lol with messages and emails and such I definitely still weirdly go to it when I have a free second :( so I guess that’s how it’s exactly the same. it’s like, what am I even checking. My boyfriend challenged me to not have to give up my phone completely to just use it less. I feel like I live in extremes where I either am addicted or just don’t give my access to the thing at all. So anyways, I have been trying to keep it to 2 hours or less.
I wonder how much is social media addiction and how much is phone addiction. I’ll probably delete my SM apps and spend hours checking the weather!
I had originally gravitated towards Instagram as a way to grow my flower design/farm business. Also, I found myself turning to Instagram to connect with others and form some semblance of a community that I had felt was missing in my "real life", especially during the pandemic. The problem that I so often ran into was that it solicits the reduction of sensory information in our actual life, and with the onset of reels and ads surmounting, the space feels competitive, demanding perfection and rewarding you for spending more and more time on it. I don't feel like I can let go of it yet since I don't have a substantial following, but after reading your newsletter, I decided to deactivate it between posting. I have a schedule of 3-4 posts a week, and I re-download the app, post, and then delete it. In this way I'm thinking of Instagram more like "mailbox" that I visit a few times a week, close and then open again another day.
I had a long break from Instagram this year while I moved house. I was surprised by how quickly I forgot all about it and just got on with my life. It made me realise I can do without it if I want to. However, I run an art business and don’t have a big following either on Instagram or Substack - I need them both right now if I want to sell work. I cope with both platforms (i find substack equally as time-draining as insta) by doing other things with my hands: planting seeds, digging the garden, painting, sewing... I leave my phone behind when i’m working in the garden and the studio, and I’ve normalised switching it off for hours in the day.
For me, instagram is a lifeline during this current time in my life, which is a time of crisis and intense feelings of isolation. And - I am not sure how much it actually resolves those feelings, and it certainly feeds other areas of crisis (like body dysmorphia). Is it worth it? Maybe, if it wasn't so addictive and I was able to use it within the parameters of connection. I'm certainly not in a place right now to get rid of it, and I'm ok with that for now.
It does bother me, though. The rise of social media + the pandemic has resulted in SO MANY of my connections going online - even my family and I don't call each other anymore - we text. I am slowly unravelling how deeply I have missed real human connection - hearing voices, seeing faces, touching hands - and how my social anxiety has fed this reliance on technology-mediated connection. It is hard to ask people to break out of that and relate in other ways when that is the pattern in our relationship currently, but I am trying a little bit at a time.
I so deeply relate to it both being the lifeline in the crisis and feeding the crisis. Like, thats what hurts my heart. How it deeply has lead me to community and my people. And also isolated me beyond measure.
Thanks Mar for being so transparent with all. You have attained the large and engaged audience, that dangling carrot, appreciate so much to see “behind the curtain”.
I have a love/ mostly hate relationship with IG. Mostly feels like a time consuming weight/ rat race/ distraction~ Like for so many. I tell myself to treat it like a job… use it to connect, show my work, not let it use me…
I have gone off for long stretches at a time, and definitely feel freer and more present in my life when I do.
What pulls me back in is the feeling I “need” to post to keep growing my audience, to make sales, fill my classes, as I work on consistently writing a newsletter.
my plan has been/ is to shift my focus to blog/newsletter writing would come first and then I would simply pull bits from there.
I was getting extremely irritated of how way long it takes for me to write posts, so would go off.
But this is not the way to build an audience! i see my colleagues who have been consistently posting about consistent subjects and are now doing really cool things and have built their audiences and sell their work/fill their classes and so on.
I tell myself to “post and ghost” but find myself on there way too much if I am posting despite the plan not to be checking back in.
I feel undisciplined, and Ig makes my brain feel scrambled. Ok that was a long rant~ feeling one foot in and out and it sucks!
I was one of the first 3000 people to sign up for Twitter back in 2006. I made a lot of friends there, made connections, and it helped my career for sure. But from 2016 (UGGG) on, it was just hot garbage. I finally deleted my account a few months ago, and it feels great. I had about 2500 followers. Got a few to subscribe to my newsletter, but that was it. Just wasn't worth it to spend more time there for such little benefit.
I don't miss it one bit.
"Is it worth staying (ON INSTAGRAM) for the parts that don’t work in favor of your aliveness?"
Hardly. I know there's a few people on there I'd like to stay in touch with. I need to reach out and get their contact info, so someday I can leave. Two people come to mind, and it revolves around work / career / money. It's that fear I keep feeling.
I deleted my Facebook account around 9 years ago and instagram account around 7 years ago. I had to create a new Facebook account about a year ago to connect with a few parent groups (I’m a mom now) and Facebook and instagram have changed so much since I had accounts that the allure to use it is completely gone.
I so appreciate you sharing your experience with social media addiction. I have struggled with it for years but never have had the language to define it. Or on some level I did; on some level I recognized it as a form of addiction with which I am so familiar, but friends and family would chuckle and tell me “you can’t be addicted to Instagram” so I would continue logging in. I have been off for about a year now, and feel so much better for it.
My decade of being on social media has ruined my attention span, and one thing I have been working towards is being able to read a book again; I often begin but have difficulty finishing. In the absence of scrolling I enjoy going to the library, and finding delight in searching for books about artists I admire, poetry books, cookbooks & am often surprised by what books catch my eye ! I also enjoy taking walks in nature, moving slowly and noting the details in the landscape around me.
I’ve logged off insta a year and some ago, and haven’t looked back, much. But the occasional link takes me back, and the endless scroll is as if I never left.
I haven’t dealt with the dopamine depletion from the loss of IG, and now find myself endlessly scrolling on twitter, news outlets, FB, often clicking on the most hideous, painful stories and clickbait. Yuck! Like MAGA yuck, to stir something in me, to shock me, to illicit complicit shame? I’m trying to figure it out and would love a professional opinion :) or just an opinion.
I have to wonder if I’m projecting my overwhelm onto the ether, looking for external metrics of internal familiarity. And, I’m clearly addicted and I honestly don’t know what to do. So much of the addiction is not wanting to stop the anxious scroll. It is satisfying something, it is numbing. So sad for aliveness. Sometimes it feels out of control, as it did with another substance I’ve now been sober from for 3+ years. This is familiar, the out of control that also exudes an “I don’t care” attitude. A part of me that believes this is all there is, resignation is familiar. Hello old friend.
But yes, I want my life back, before the phone internet hijacked my relationship to myself.
Thanks for the opening toward honesty.
I resonate with this so much and greatly appreciate your honesty. Getting off of IG was a huge step for me but I find ways to get sucked into content in other places. I do think smart phones have changed my brain and it scares me when I really think about it too long. I don't have the answer but I continue to try different things- deleting apps, using apps that block other apps- which seems ridiculous that I need technology to stop me from using technology. Sometimes I want to throw my phone in the ocean and then I remember how anxious I feel just from going somewhere with no cell service. I wonder if because technology is sold to us as a "way to connect" with others that without we feel we will truly be alone or isolated in the world. That we become irrelevant without our screens.
This is all to say that I think we need to continue being more honest about what's happening to us and how it's affecting us. I feel a lot of shame about my tech addiction but find it helpful to know it's not a unique experience
I logged off IG forever this week as well and I already feel lighter, though a little anxious with my brain default telling me that I’m “missing something”. Each time I feel that itch I lean into something I want to say something positive about, learn or do. I immediately feel excitement with purpose and my creative mind is awoken.
I’m also turning 39 this year and that was a huge, “am I going to be 40..50+ and still stressing about this still?!” That perspective really was a lightbulb moment for me that immediately makes me say, hell no.
Ever since starting and completing the Artist Way, I craved my teenage days of using a computer and consuming long-form content. Scrolling through algorithm-free Tumblr, writing fan fiction on YouTube, and reading various blogs was exciting. It would last an hour or two, and then I would move on. I don't have IG or TikTok anymore. I deleted it a few weeks ago. I am seeking to go back to sit at a computer to consume. Paying for the New Yorker Magazine to sit and read. Reading Substack at my desk. I watch YouTube at my desk. I even took the web browser off my phone so I don't anxiously research. I have left Instagram several times and get pulled back in, but filling the space with conscious consumption may be an answer for me. I also want to give myself a weekly day without content consumption or reading. I have implemented this starting last week, and I feel more myself. I like that I don't feel sucked into a vortex.
I keep thinking about you saying that getting away from social media permanently is creating new space in your brain. I've stepped far far away from social media (Twitter & Instagram for me) but I still have the accounts, and that is starting to feel like something I don't want at all anymore. But I don't quite feel ready to completely delete the accounts. A huge part of me feels like I need to keep them for occasional promotion. Even though, if I rarely go on, will anyone even see what I post?
The first time I took a break, the thing that struck me most was how much time I had, suddenly. Nothing felt frantic anymore. I could give things the time they took. I wasn't constantly rushing around.
There would be things that happened that I would have shared in the past, and suddenly it seemed so silly, or even wrong, to share them. I realized so much of what I was sharing was to feed the algorithm, and it was barely interesting and just adding to the noise. I decided that anything I share (in whatever form) -- I want it to be worth sharing.
Oh my god... this is such a timely & relevant topic for me. I didn’t used to spend a lot of time on social media or reading my emails & the news online or playing games on my phone, but I sure as heck do now! I’m at home all the time now & I hate how much of my day is spent looking at or interacting with this screen! I’m going to spend some more time on my screen right now and read the other comments above. This is the first time I’ve been on here. Maybe I’ll have more to share after that
I got rid of Facebook at the start of 2018, got rid of Twitter sometime in 2021 I think, and logged out of my Instagram accounts on New Year's Eve coming into 2023. I still use Pinterest and Tumblr (and now Substack, I suppose), but those fill the needs of what I have been looking for with social media - visual inspiration and connection to people with similar interests. My close circle of friends and my family I talk to outside of those mediums.
There are days where I feel a little bit of FOMO, to be honest, but only because a lot of YouTubers I watch will use Instagram, and so to some degree I feel like I'm not getting the full experience in the parasocial relationship?? Which is such a weird feeling to have.
Overall, though, it's recently got me thinking about the Internet of 20 years ago, and how there are themes of that making themselves known if you know where to look. It's exciting in that sense. I don't miss Instagram most days, which is such a mental relief.
I will also add that I didn't/don't use it for work (though maybe eventually I'd like to grow a newsletter into an income), so that helped in my decision-making.
I feel this so hard, Mar! I feel like I can't leave social media because of writing/book deal stuff and that makes it feel even worse. It's not fun to feel trapped.
I sit with this alllllllll the time. I go through days, weeks, months not posting and not scrolling but always find myself back. The pros are that I love sharing visual content and I like looking back on the videos or photo dumps or special moments. I also have so many friends and family that live all around the world so find the gram being the easiest thing to keep us connected while also being in our lives. I try and focus on the positives and then only post when I’m really feeling inspired. I also muted most people and regularly unfollow. I have no shame in curating my feed because it’s what I’m consuming and I want it to feel good.
I have taken a few long breaks from social media, one that was 10 months long. It usually takes my brain a few weeks to adjust to being off of it. I’m on it at the moment, a little trial period to see if I can be on it without it completely consuming my ability to focus. That’s usually what I notice being impacted the most by those platforms - my ability to focus, even if I don’t use them much. They still short circuit my brain somehow. It’s not great.
I've had limits on social media for myself for a few years (Instagram was the only one I continued to use- no app allowed on my phone: only browser with blockers on it). Yet, even spending 3-5 minutes each day on Instagram could make me feel awful- anxious and with a low self worth.
A week or so ago, I decided to not log on for a while. I wasn't actively posting, but I know what I am missing out on- messages and memes from family and friends, small business drops (who don't have newsletters), recipes and other things that brings me joy. I know it's not worth it for these things alone.
I feel less shame, for sure. One thing that has come up, as it has for others, is that I am a writer. I am writing my first novel, establishing a consistent practice on Substack (which I have not yet shared with many others), and have no interest in having an online presence via social media.
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE?
I too have only just left this week. After meaning to for quite some time, I finally made the leap after reading a handful of things (your post being one of them, The Chaos Machine being another) and logged out.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
I was able to sit and read for nearly an hour in the school pickup line, only reaching for my phone once or twice. It still feels a little weird making a big fuss about leaving but, after spending years there "because it's for work" I've finally decided it's just not worth it. It's the number one thing that kept me from actually doing the work... Plus, most of my work comes from referrals and I updated my links page, so if people really want to find me, they will. I'm leaning (hard) into that at the moment.
On Thursday, it will have been 6 months since I have logged in to my instagram, and I have only been able to achieve that level of sobriety by, finally, joining a 12 step program. Although I have likely qualified for other programs over the years, nothing else has ever enveloped my life and my identity quite like Instagram did. Although the program is for Internet and Technology addicts in general, and I do have two other completely off limits bottom lines - puzzle games and short form videos - I still find that Instagram was the most dangerous drug I have ever messed with. Of course to an extent we all know its designed that way - to be highly addictive - and for myself, someone who has an Addiction inside of them just looking around from something to grab on to, Instagram was just too much. After over 10 years of being in a toxic relationship with it, back and forth, on again and off again, through the fellowship I was finally able to say goodbye. I had considered, awhile ago, trying to reintroduce it after I had been sober for six months, hoping that the clarity would grant me a different relationship to it. And like all things I do want to be flexible, open to new possibilities. But here I am six months in and honestly I rarely miss it, and thinking of getting on there again immediately triggers me. There’s a joke one of my alcoholic friends makes, she says “oh I wish I could drink like normal people, just for a day.” But then she asks herself, “what would you do if you could?” And her response is always, “I would get soooo fucked up!!!!” At which point she knows, now is still not the time. And maybe the time will never be. I feel the same about instagram. I wish I could be someone who uses it socially or professionally, but for now, absolutely no fucking way.
A small thing I did about a year ago to start fighting my social media addiction is to just not keep my phone in my pocket. I bring my phone with me everywhere, I just keep it in my backpack or tote bag, and only take it out when I know I need something. No longer having it continuously in arm’s reach completely changed my relationship to it. When I started doing this I noticed I had a continuous impulse to just grab it and hold it in my hand, like a comfort object. That alone made me realise how dependent I really was. Once I got used to not having it attached to me all the time it became a lot easier to recognise the addictive impulses and to fight against them. Nowadays I don’t have any social media on my phone and mostly just pick it up to listen to music or check emails. It’s very freeing!!
I am trying to grow my business on IG and I keep saying to myself WHAT COULD MAKE THIS MORE FUN?! And all of these comments and this conversation feels so validating that there isn't something wrong with me that I find it exhausting, limiting, and definitely NOT FUN! I still feel stuck there but this conversation feels like it's releasing some pressure. Thanks everyone.
I left instagram a year ago - I didn't use it for work/income purposes which certainly made it easier!
WHAT DOES IT FEEL LIKE TO LEAVE?
At first, excruciating. Now, I don't miss it except when:
- I think about the day to day updates that I miss from far away close friends (most of my beloveds are away from where I live now). Have considered making a small insta with just these folks but it feels like it could snowball fast.
- A friend will mention in person some content they saw with me in it on someone else's instagram (I wonder if it was a good photo, what kind of information was shared, etc).
- I'm bored and want easy distraction.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE DIFFERENT?
In one of my previous times taking an insta break, I had this moment where I was camping in beautiful Joshua Tree, I met some lovely camp neighbours, it was a full moon, we shared food and bevies, and then one of the people brought out their violin and started serenading the moon. In this stunning moment, my literal first thought was "wow - I should capture this to post on instagram." This was a huge wakeup call and anytime my mind goes to that thought when I'm in beautiful moments or thinks to capture "content" before being fully present in the moment, I plan to take more space from socials. After being off insta for a year, I find that instinct to share "content" getting smaller and smaller and almost totally gone, and I'm way more able to be fully present for my life.
HOW IS YOUR LIFE EXACTLY THE SAME?
I thought my screen time would go all the way down after taking space from insta, but it's still significant with fb, youtube, emails, other internet rabbit holes. It's demoralizing but I'm realizing the addiction wasn't just to insta, it's also to my phone (thinking about maybe going back to my flip phone).
DOES ANY OF IT REALLY MATTER?
Yes. I also left insta a year ago because I was deep in sad-making comparison of my life to everyone else's shiny lives they presented on insta - I am making less comparisons now and feel happier with my own life. I think it always matters, if it leads to more joy and less sorrow.
I have been off of social media since spring, and it felt like stepping out of a made up world. I can almost feel like looking into my phone is peering into a chasm, like existing somewhere other than the here and now that surrounds me. I do miss aspects, but that’s to be expected. Posting on Instagram often felt like whispering into a void, but it did satisfy some social yearnings. I have yet to fill the social void with in-person connection (outside of family) so I feel socially isolated. I also waste less time; have the ability for deeper work and focus; and my mind is freeer. I feel like I released myself from tethers of false importance and remembered what actually mattered. I’m also deeply glad to cut at least one string from the people demanding our time and attention. Now to work on nurturing social connection outside of the home. But I don’t know how to fit it in, or how to get over my resistance.
Of note: I used social media for personal (a private account for friends and family), work (writer and yoga teacher), and specific community (homeschooling, writing/reading, and yoga)
Does anyone feel like they've achieved a satisfying relationship with social media? If so, I'd love to know some steps you've taken to get there. Asking on behalf of most folks on social media.
See my comment above about the steps I took with Instagram! I don’t have any others (besides LinkedIn lol)
I’ve been feeling the desire to not connect via social media. Currently have insta account for family and close friends who live far away. Another account that is an art project and feels just fine to have. Not much interaction within it. But discontinued use for connecting with people I don’t know or live in my community. It feels good to find out what their up to in an authentic way
I am majorly addicted to my phone in general however. Looking for ways to unhook
I’ve also been seeing a rise of people keeping a tight lid around privacy on their social presence, especially Instagram. People not using their full name on Instagram so they can’t be found, keeping their audience very small to just people they know IRL. Even the rise of the “finsta” signals a shift!
It doesn’t quite address the addiction bit of what you’re talking about but hopefully with the eased up pressure there becomes fewer forces on writers/artists/organizers to be so publicly online
I have struggled with selective mutism throughout my life and I can open up online in ways I can’t in person. After a lifetime of being this way, I don’t have people I can talk to in real life, so I turn to social media. I am hyper aware of the fact that people don’t like my content, so I do try to limit how often I post to prevent people from unfollowing me. Without other people, it’s just me in my head, and that can be a sad, lonely place.
I’m adding a little more relevant context since I have the energy today. I do still have Instagram, Facebook, and Reddit accounts. My Facebook and Instagram are set to friends only, and I do not accept requests from anyone I do not know. I unfollow, unfriend, or block people I do not want to see content from. When I become conscious that I am spending too much time scrolling, I put my phone down and do something else. This past week, I didn’t have enough spoons to do the things, so I scrolled pretty mindlessly at night after work. It didn’t feel good, so this morning, when I do have the spoons to do the things, I put my phone down so I can thoughtfully engage with my hobbies and interests rather than social media. I have Inattentive ADHD and use a modified Pomodoro method when I am working on a craft, my job, or anything that requires attention. I focus solely on whatever thing for a set period of time (about 30 minutes). I always have my phone on mute so I never have audio visual distractions. I give myself a tiny break in between (about 10 minutes) to take care of my needs, check in with my pet, and check any important notifications that need my attention.
This piece here is an excellent framework that can add to this discussion. https://open.substack.com/pub/cheladavison/p/why-i-am-leaving-social-media?r=2fmte&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&comments=true
mmmm yes ~ that person also has social media still it appears :) i’m so curious what changed (no judgement just fascinated by all of our leavings and returnings)
That's funny! I hadn't checked, I think this post was from a while ago. And absolutely 💯 the leavings and the returnings. I'm still what you would call *here* but not *really* engaging or trying to do anything with it. Meaning my personal IG. If anything, I'm struggling whether to even bother doing one for 365 Mindful Days, the only reason would be to remind students that our "private space" exists. Something we can touch base on next week during our call, perhaps!
yesssss with you :) and looking forward to it!
I periodically delete it and take breaks. Sometimes for days or weeks. One time for 5 months. I’m on a 1 month break and counting right now. One of the main things that keeps me on there is that it helps me stay on top of what’s going on in my area - new businesses, events, volunteer opportunities, etc. I have 2 accounts - a food one and a personal one. The food one is a bit of my creative outlet and cooking and baking inspiration. I mostly only follow other food accounts, local stuff, and artists. I have a healthier relationship with that one. Maybe because it serves a more specific purpose? I don’t catch myself endlessly scrolling and chasing the dopamine hits as much.
Hi Marlee, it’s Taylor from high school ;) Been so fun to watch your career online. This post hit a nerve and I won’t be surprised to see more and more like it from other sources in the coming years. We really are the generation navigating all of this for the first time. So much opportunity to learn and fail. I assume you have read Digital Minimalism? When he said apps are literally designed to buy our attention, I decided I had enough. My attention is not for sale. I’m a SAHM right now so the temptation to be on my phone is strong. And yet I’m consistently unhappy and anxious when I’m on it too much. I have no social media for the most part (I delete and download the Instagram app only when it feels most fun). I also blocked news on my phone. This leaves me reading lots of cool Substack and opinion articles that genuinely feel smart and life giving. Ugh , I also deleted Spotify just this morning because I realized it was triggering OCD. I’m sad to let that one go right now but I immediately felt free and I’d say that’s a telling sign! Sending love, T
Edited to add I deleted Facebook when I had my first kid and I also have YouTube and Reddit blocked on my phone. Bummer times lol but it makes me so happy
Hi. This is a topic of great interest, thanks for initiating the discussion. I deactivated my Facebook account 3 weeks ago. I still have Instagram and I am ambivalent about whether or not I will remain there. Leaving FB has been restorative. My anxiety and irritability has decreased dramatically. I don't do well having the voices of other people clamoring in my head - I mean that metaphorically. Don't call the paddy wagon, lol. Facebook seems to be addictive for gen x'ers like myself as well as boomers and IG is addictive for my younger millennial and Gen Z friends. I do enjoy aspects of Instagram, hence my reluctance to leave, but I don't like that it is part of Meta and I don't like the emphasis on Influencer culture and consumerism. Leaving Facebook, while positive in myriad ways, still feels odd. I don't think I am quite over the dependency hurdle. I am eager to hear what others have to say on the topic. My worst habit with Instagram is random scrolling. A terrible habit that winnows away time that could be spent on meaningful engagement. I left Twitter last year, but I rarely used the platform. I'd be interested to hear what those who have left all of social media platforms entirely might say, about whether that was difficult for them and how they circumvented temptation to return to the platforms that so many of us engage with, even though they seem to make us unhappy and unhealthy.
I stay on Instagram because it's still a "social" app for me- I hear about house parties and shows from friends of friends, as well as political events and local news. I've muted a bunch of people whose updates make me feel small, and I have a 10 min limit on my phone. I guess my world on there isn't interesting enough to get me addicted. But it's fascinating to hear about your experience, as well as others in this chat who have found large professional followings there. It's just very different