Not here for love

Here for insistency

In my twenties in the window of Have Company 2014, Photo by John Hanson

As I cross into the second half of my thirties I have been identifying my role in the web. Not as the challenger of others but the challenger of myself, to show others what it looks like to stretch past my capacity for service and care. In my singleness I keep thinking, I must not be here for love, I must be here for something else.

I consider myself a decade ago when I was here for love. Making zines, tending to Have Company my shop/artist residency/gallery in Grand Rapids, married, babysitting, riding my bike a lot, roaming around in a manic polyamorous stupor. Going to meetings, petting my cat, ruining everything, making it pleasant again, throwing plants, not caring much about how my actions would affect others.

I find that while romantic relationships mark these different chapters of my life so do the places, the friendships, the bars, eating stuffed french toast at the counter at Marie’s, locking my bike outside of the house on Benjamin, my Subaru that was a lemon but was my first car and moved me to California.

The longer I am outside of domestic or committed partnership the more I feel like maybe that isn’t my assignment here on Earth. Like I came here to love many and love quickly and swing through the effort of longing with a blade of madness, only to be met with softness from a few.

To cherish a tornado person takes a very specific kind of love, one I’ve really only found a few times. The ones who stay the longest are warriors of the heart, not without their own miscellaneous ailments.

I find that population 102 makes it hard to find love but I’m open and willing. Does one move to be here for love? Does one wait for love to be here for them? How does love work when there is so little to choose from?

I started using YNAB this week. Have you used that? It seems like people who use YNAB really love YNAB. I decorated mine with all sorts of emojis.

I also had the “least successful” launch of my career, got professionally rejected today, and my neck pain is really flaring up. But I taught this past weekend and it was one of my favorite classes ever, rejection is god’s protection, and my pain tells me to rest and slow down.

I am writing from Portland where the roses are sweetly in bloom everywhere. From the airplane I couldn’t tell where we were and I googled “What Time is it in Portland?” and it felt so familiar and it was. Everyone at the grocery store was hot and it startled me.

I also think something is changing in the digital ecosystem of my work and this list is just where I write now and I’ll use my other little email list to tell you when I have something for sale. To sell. Part of my job is selling things. I do that by telling you when it’s class time. You might be thinking you don’t even know the difference between the lists. That works too. I’m grateful to be in your inbox.

Which brings me to this little form. What do you want to study together?

I am blessed in the insistency. Always have been always will be.
I love you very very much.

⌇⋰ Website

⌇⋰ Email : info@codycookparrott.com

⌇⋰ PO Box 252 Cedar, MI 49621