The blessing of being mediocre

The long process of falling in love and the art of beginning

Monday Monday is a free weekly newsletter. If you want to support this space and have access to my monthly advice column YES YES, comment on posts, and the occasional Friday Thread become a paid subscriber.

You can also share excerpts of today’s Monday Monday on social media, forward it to someone who might benefit, or text it to a friend. Thank you for reading.

Photo by Chloe Sells

I absolutely hate being bad at things. I hate being bad at friendship, being bad at cooking, being bad at fighting, being bad at gardening, being bad at dog parenting. Any shortcoming I have I take the second arrow and pierce myself straight through the gut as if to say, you should have been better at this by now. I end up rushing the learning process of my own path, the way to love others, and the way of learning new skills.

Every year around my sobriety anniversary I become filled with shame. Yesterday a friend reminded me of an acronym for shame : Should Have Already Mastered Everything. How could I be twelve years sober and still XYZ fill in the blank. Not remember to feed myself, get so dehydrated, still be in debt, still not set aside enough taxes, still not have my exercise routine down, and the list continues ad infinitum.

---

What if for a moment though, we relished in the not being good at the thing. This must mean there is more to be revealed! More to be discovered! Perfectionism as a pathway to nothing but disappointment and slashed expectations of the self.

---

To be on the path of self discovery is to be anti perfectionist and to celebrate the mediocre nature of starting, beginning again, and being an artist amongst artists. It is accepting that the only way to begin is to start at the beginning. When we wish to jump ahead we miss the sweetness that you only get when you do something for the first time, or when you give yourself enough permission to start something over again.

Last week I wrote to you feeling hopeful about my new garden hobby and this week I am already bad at it. I have’t called the lady back yet about getting the soil delivered. I didn’t finish putting the leaves in the beds. I still don’t actually understand how you even put a plant in the ground. And here I was imagining by July I’d be a part time flower farmer and I haven’t even given myself a chance to be half bad at the hobby first. I want to be half bad at hobbies. I want to stop turning everything into my job and instead be clumsy in my process.

But what delight! I have been busy making other things! The garden hobby which I am deliciously mediocre at has been set to the wayside. I trust that in a moment where the phone doesn’t feel so heavy I’ll call Mindy from the tree place back that has the mulch. I’ll pop open one of my gardening books and dream about flowers. I’ll trust that in the exact right timing I will figure out how to tend the soil and put a plant in it.

I tend to rush the beginning because I so desperately want the high of completion, or the first dopamine hit of the thrill of chaos. I want the adrenaline spike of someone rushing towards me and saying - you are my soulmate. What I find myself being more and more enriched by is the long drawing out of the beginning. The half filled garden beds as a reminder that there is no rush to filling what is being built. The lingering of love as if to say, we are still inviting this in. A small friendship rupture can just mean we are headed into a new chapter.

May the beginning be thick like molasses and long like the winter

---

In the Mercury Rx portal my evaluation of time and money and resources is strong. I am shifting my financial priorities in a big way to manage my debt more efficiently and pay it down, set aside quarterly taxes while I work to get my S Corp payments set up, and dial back on some spending. I pray to me magnificent in my effort but mediocre in my touch, may I not hold these efforts so preciously that I cannot carry forward.

I got into quilt school! It’s true! This fall I will be studying at the University of Nebraska (remote) for their two year graduate certificate program in Quilt Studies. Another beginning! That I already want to be excellent at! What if I am just good enough to show up to class and do the readings and take notes.

This is a big week of beginnings for me in my professional and private life. I am beginning again and again, mediocre at best! Mediocre is best!

May you be dreadfully mediocre in your hobbies, slow to begin your work, and patient in the time it takes to fall in love with yourself and others

🍎🍎🍎🍎 NEW CLASS ALERT 🍎🍎🍎🍎

THE ART OF BEGINNING
Building practices for starting new projects, weaving in daily rituals, and resuming our work after we’ve strayed

SUNDAY MAY 28 AT 9AM PST / 12PM EST

A 2 HOUR WORKSHOP LIVE ON ZOOM

I would absolutely love to have you at my next online class :) Class is $55 and there are scholarships available for all, captions in the live class and in the recording (which you have lifetime access to)

This two hour workshop / lecture / ultimate creative pep talk is an invitation to reset the expectations you have been putting on yourself and right size them for the benefit of your creative practice and those who you share with

Come be mediocre in a fun zoom room and set new intentions for the beautiful things you are working to bring into the world

1. If you are trying to figure out if Substack is right for you or if another route of newsletter or email marketing is I can’t recommend this episode from

   Amelia Hruby
   enough

2. Grateful to be on one of my favorite quilter’s podcasts this week! Thank you to everyone who listened and shared and Zak Foster for interviewing me. I love talking about quilts and teaching and gender expansion

3. I love this feed - Quilts On Film

   quiltsonfilm

   

   A post shared by @quiltsonfilm

4. I am a new Jocelyn K. Glei fan and I loved this episode - you can subscribe to her newsletter here - I am so inspired looking at other artist and writer’s business ecosystems and I love that Jocelyn doesn’t use IG and has an amazing website that really clearly spells out her work

5. This meme

   

6. Check out

   Katherine May
   newsletter
   The Clearing by Katherine May
   
   
   "I always write to find my point. I don’t sit down with a clear idea of what I want to communicate—that would be too easy. I sit down and eventually work out what I’m trying to say. I sometimes worry that I’m the human embodiment of that room full of monkeys with typewriters, but it’s probably best not to think about that too hard.”

7. The community in Flexible Office is so special and so cool to see members share with each other about their needs and desires. Highly recommend jumping in if you want to connect - many members are currently looking for cool bookeepers, web designers, and more collaborators! FIND EACH OTHER IN THE OFFICE

8. I am reading Julia Cameron’s The Prosperous Heart and it is giving me hope about some money feelings and god feelings

9. Been listening to this song a lot

10. At about 4:28 things start to get wild and sometimes I can’t believe we got the gift of this much tension

A portion of May’s paid subscriptions goes towards the Southern Trans Youth Emergency Project

⌇⋰ Instagram 

⌇⋰ Website

⌇⋰ Email : info@marleegrace.space

⌇⋰ PO Box 252 Cedar, MI 49621

Flexible Office : An experimental digital co-working space meets every Tue and Thu from 8-10am PST / 11-1pm EST (your first two weeks are free if you want to give it a try

Friday Threads : Check out the most recent gathering of resources and support in Picking up The Loose Ends about re-starting rituals and habits

Free Paid Subscription Trial : Not sure you’ll like the paid version of this newsletter? Respond to this email and let me know and I’ll add you to a free three month trial y you be dreadfully mediocre in your hobbies, slow to begin your work, and patient in the time it takes to fall in love with yourself and others