Sapphic love and getting wrecked
Queering everything, boy4boy, and lesbian visibility
Welcome to Yes Yes, my monthly advice column. I am writing to you from the meadow my house sits in during lesbian visibility week. Last night me and a few queers watched The Whistle on PBS - a documentary about dykes in the 70’s and 80’s in Albuquerque who used codes to communicate safely with each other. It is great I think you should watch.
At many points in the last six years I identified as a lesbian, a dyke, a woman who loved women. As my gender shifted my allegiance to these words as identifiers have as well. But I know that who I have gotten to love in my life is because of the visibility of dykes and lesbians now and forever. Liking boys again has been the surprise of a century, read on to find out more
The audio version of Yes Yes can be found at the bottom of this post
In today’s advice column I cover :
🧊 WHEN A GIRL BREAKS YOUR HEART CAN YOU EVER LOVE AGAIN?
🍯 MY OWN SEXUALITY SHIFTING WITH MY GENDER
🐬 BUILDING QUEER COMMUNITY, NO MATTER WHO YOU DATE
A portion of April’s paid subscriptions goes towards the Social Justice Sewing Academy
I am not a therapist and I have no training in advice giving. I am an artist, a writer, and a teacher of creative practice with a devotion to how we live. These are my opinions, my best shot at hope, and what I know from 34 years on the planet. As always, may you hold a gentle spirit while reading, take what you like, and leave the rest. Let’s dive in!
Hi Mar, I‘m currently healing from a breakup. It was my first sapphic love affair and the loss is hitting so different. It’s been easy to catapult myself through the healing process of breakups coasting on hate for the patriarchy (though eventually landing on forgiveness and some type of closure) but this feels and IS different. I’m new to queer dating in general and now my heart does NOT feel open. I’ve always had a strict no friends with ex’s policy and it’s felt manageable and frankly the best thing for me when dating men. But this girl…we had a deep and sweet friendship. As someone still striving to build up their queer community I’m afraid to get close to another girl, inevitably fall in love and have them break my heart and lose yet another friend / close relationship. I want to keep dating queer people but I am AFRAID. I still feel pretty solid about not letting this relationship transform into a friendship - they betrayed my trust and have proven to not be the kind of person I want close to me. How do I move forward and not let this prevent me from ever falling in love with another girl again?! I wanna see us all as blobs and not make it about gender but I’m stuck!