NO REASONS
Letting go of the "why" in art making
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Sometimes there is no reason to make art, no meaning making, no one to ask us for the art, no one begging for the next book or newsletter. And yet, we show up to the canvas. We thread the sewing machine. We move the body. We type the words. We stir the pot on the stove in an action that is meant to serve spirit but actually feels like there is no reason. We peer out over the ice fields and the winter grey to think, this must all be for something right?
My only job today is to clear the channel and be of service. That’s it. Not to generate income, sell the art, publish the book, teach the class, get more subscribers. These are natural byproducts of clearing the channel.
Not to spiritually bypass the need for us to all survive and work within the confines of capitalism. But I find that when I start there - the other paths open up. And when I start with the other paths I close off to hearing what wants to come through me. So while there are many things to tend to in all of our lives : children, paying rent or the mortgage, caring for our health, I find that without starting in the space of nothingness, worry and fear overtake me and I am useless.
I pray to be of use today, to be available in my body for movement and for stagnation to be released. As I watch the rain from my porch studio I think about the quilt top that is no longer my quilt top but was supposed to stay my quilt top. A friend recently reflected back to me how beautiful a practice it is to give away the objects we make generously. This is what is so special to me about making quilts and gifting quilts. Quilt making is part of how I clear the channel. Dancing is the ultimate channel clearer. Walking through the woods clears the channel.
Sometimes it is too loud up there in my head. I’ve been sleeping past ten, napping in the afternoon, watching a lot of TV, staring at my phone. And yet still I am eating well, taking June to the woods, committed to my recovery, listening to my podcasts, tending to my work. Yet there is something about sleep that I can’t give myself full permission to do. I make meaning in the rest - this is too much depression, this is too much grief. I should be shape shifting into joy much quicker.
What if there was no reason for how much I am sleeping? What if it just was? What if I am just in a season where I sleep a lot? The striving begins to get exhausting and I return back to - set the bar low, may there be no goals today, may it just be an exercise in clearing the channel.
I have been dreaming of a sunrise club. One that I am the only member of. That perhaps I will magically feel the urge to wake with the sun and meet the water at its edge. Pay attention to where the moon is for once. Tracking time seems impossible.
This morning the yard swan kept her head under water for so long. She keeps bobbing up and down up and down all day long, unbothered by the rain or cold water. Every time she comes up for air she looks around a bit, in the grace only a swan can have, and dips her head slowly back in. It’s like she knows she has to drown to find what she wants before she comes back up.
SAT APRIL 9 DANCE CLASS
One of the most important parts about my movement practice is committing to dancing without a studio space ♾🪞
Committed to living rooms and kitchens and beaches and hallways and bathrooms and back decks and mansions and yards and mountains. Almost seven years ago @personalpractice was born out of a need to dance more and feel like a dancer even if I wasn’t actively in a conventional studio space, company, or teaching regularly
While my peers took their BFA’s to big cities and dance companies I felt alone in taking mine back to my hometown and creating a digital space ✨🏹🪑 Turns out it saved my life and turned me into exactly the kind of dancer I always wanted to be (a hermit who pretends to be Justin Bieber alone in the woods in front of thousands of people on the internet) 🐬🐬🐬
I look forward to teaching people across the world this Saturday from my quilting porch studio 🪡 Beaming in your own little corners because there is no corner too small to dance 🪐
CULTIVATING A SOLO PRACTICE 🌷 This Saturday 4/9 Live on Zoom and Recorded
‘Colour is in my blood!’: the vivid life of artist Sheila Hicks
Heart of a Shapeshifter: 2Spirit Love Medicine by Coyote Park
Annika Hansteen-Izora’s beautiful clothing drop!
TO THE STREETS! a course, a practice, a chant, a banner, a block by Lukaza Branfman-Verissimo
New Florist song <3
Protect Trans Kinds long sleeve shirts by Pace Taylor
Flower Essence Consultation with Liz Migliorelli (Sister Spinster)
I consumed Yellow Jackets very quickly and …. wow. Wake me up when it’s time for Season Two
Another GORGEOUS one star review of How to Not Always Be Working : buy it here at Literati my favorite Michigan bookstore where it is a Staff Pic and see if it just sounds like my morning pages!
This episode of Seek Treatment made me laugh so hard - hate to be that cheesy bitch but this podcast truly can turn my whole day around when I feel like shit
xo mar
A portion of March’s paid subscriptions goes towards Transgender Education Network of Texas
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