It's an inside job : when leaving digital platforms doesn't help
Yes Yes Advice Column
I am wrapping up my first week of grad school here in Vermont before flying back to Northern Michigan. This week has been profound, to say the least. I feel so grateful for my classmates, professors, and staff here at Goddard College in what has been a tenuous time for the organization as a whole.
Thank you so much for all the love on my name change, I really can’t thank you enough. My readers are so amazing and loving and magical.
In September of last year I made the sweeping declaration that I would leave Instagram forever. If I know anything about myself it is that I do nothing forever but love to make grand statements. I also know that the way I actually have managed to quit things for long periods of time with successful recovery is applying the one day at a time method.
I wish I could say everything is different, that leaving solved what I hoped it would. Today’s question brought up so much for me to dig into around how we think platforms are the problem, when really it’s an inside job.
Also deciding to post about my name change influenced some of what I am thinking about today. And in general thinking about how we connect with people in virtual landscapes when we live rurally, are isolated because of parenting or work, and the many other reasons that a social media connection could really help people feel more like themselves, not less.
IN TODAY’S YES YES ADVICE COLUMN
🕊 Feeling too seen
👛 Substack feeding into the comparison trap
🍂 Managing staying in your own lane
🩰 Sensitivity to feeling less than
❄️ Letting go of the expectation of reward
I am not a therapist and I have no training in advice giving. I am an artist, a writer, and a teacher of creative practice with a devotion to how we live. These are my opinions, my best shot at hope, and what I know from 35 years on the planet. As always, may you hold a gentle spirit while reading, take what you like, and leave the rest. Let’s dive in!
Dear Mar, I started on substack over one year ago with a meager 25 subscribers and zero expectations. I had a million ideas and felt buoyed by the simplicity and quietude of substack. Instagram, something I'd been using just as a personal time-waster, had me feeling too "seen" to share in the ways that I wanted to, and substack felt like a reprieve from that chatter.
As I continued on substack, I discovered stats, chat, and notes, all things that made it start to feel more and more anxiety inducing and social media-like. Not to mention the transactional nature of engaging that seems to occur here. I know you've spoken on how to not use substack like social media, and I guess I'm curious to hear how you continue to navigate this as you have so many subscribers.
I want to keep writing but I feel paralyzed by the comparison trap and even though I deleted the app off my phone I find myself scrolling through the feed similarly to the way I used to engage with Instagram, which I'm not on anymore. I have 64 subscribers now and I get so in my head about who I'm writing for, what its about, what is the point, etc. It almost makes me want to stop.
I just don't know what to do- i hate that I am so sensitive and impressionable to the point that ill read something wonderful written by someone I admire and spiral and feel like my writing doesn't matter. I've even considered unsubscribing from publications i love just because of the comparison trap. I am trying to get back to that freewheeling feeling that I had when I began but it seems to have disappeared.
How do you manage this stuff? How do we stay in our own lane and stay true to ourselves? How do we do the work and let go of the expectation of reward? Any insights are appreciated, thank you for reading.
Dearest writer,
I have been learning a lot about RSD with my therapist the past few weeks, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Understanding how this weaves together with my ADHD and Bipolar suddenly made so much of how I interact with social media platforms make sense. As well as looking at it’s mirrored counter point RRE - Recognition Responsive Euphoria.
What I want to say might seem the opposite of what I have bee saying for the last many years in print and online, but stay with me. Instagram, Substack, social media, and digital spaces filled with other artists and writers might not be the problem.