Half a year alone
Something about celibacy and embodiment
Tomorrow : Tuesday February 6 I am hosting a meet up (other newsletter platform creators welcome!) at the Leland Library with from 3-5pm. It’s totally free, totally low key, and will be a nice way to get to know other people in the Northern Michigan area. If you don’t write a newsletter but want to know more about writing one you’re welcome to join us!
I’ve spent the last six months single and celibate and I’m not having fun. There is something underneath this, something about how the old ways don’t work anymore. I download the apps for ten minutes every other month to see if some miracle is waiting and there never is. I don’t know if miracles wait in the apps.
I just got back from a craniosacral appointment where I felt so much shake out of me, mostly in my pelvic floor and womb area. I really need a better non binary word for womb. Center of the pelvic girdle. Area where I bleed. Tender little cave of pain. Curled up zone of past trauma. Or you know, womb.
Everything was shaking out and I feel sort of dizzy and dehydrated now. I am drinking water. Something that shook out was this desire for external validation, I guess that is the not fun part. It is so much more fun to have someone absolutely obsess over you and need to tell you you’re hot every few hours.
I have tried this before, I have been gifted this by musicians and actresses and firefighters and photographers. I have been gifted the drug of the obsession more times than I can count and it always leads to the same thing.