FIRST SWIM
How everything suddenly shifts
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Things to note :
I am driving to Kansas City to visit my best friend Katie for a week who is the most recent guest on my favorite podcast Las Culturistas hosted by Bowen Yang and Matt Rogers
I suppose I am biased in saying how perfect of an episode it is but it really covers everything I love - from Trisha Yearwood to Katie’s process and practice and some very classic Mar advice sprinkled in
June is really becoming a dog, I notice these moments where she seems really wise and slow and grown up and I can’t believe she is almost 3, but forever baby dog
I travel everywhere with my noise machine
Social media is really just one hub so sometimes when I go there to look at quilts I get bombarded with news it feels hard to separate everything. And while I am listening to the news I think, what if they showed me a quilt now just for one moment to keep me soft while I listen. I would love that.
I guess everything blending together is how real life is but it can be hard to go to the work room when the work room is a news room and a shared bar where we all shout THIS IS WHAT I AM DOING NEXT, don’t forget about me!
You know what I am doing next? Flexible Office
It starts tomorrow, I’d love to see you
There are a few people I don’t talk to anymore who I used to really love and it feels good and it feels freeing and it feels like a boundary really is a way to love yourself
Gemini4Gemini bonds never cease to catapult and amaze me
Eclipse crisis phone calls burst my heart wide open can you even believe how much you can love people?
I want to chop my hair but I have been working so hard to grow it but the more my friends call me Mar the more it feels like shorter is true
11 years ago today I drank 3 beers and I thought where do I get more where do I get more how do I get more and I cried and cried and cried on my door step and thought please god don’t let me live this way anymore
Tomorrow is my personal holiday, Chelsea’s birthday, the halfway mark of the day I got June, the day I decided to stay
I kept the comments open below because
I want to know what you’re working on
I want to know what you are delighting in
I want to know what you are discovering about your practice
I took my first swim in the bay and stayed in and didn’t get out for 45 minutes I just kept going under and under and it was so cold but the air was so warm and the sun put me in a state of delirium but I loved it so much
The person I was swimming with looked out and said, look, a swan!
And quietly to myself I whispered, yard swan
xo
mar
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Mar... it suits you! Cut the hair ! Do the things that feel good !! <3
I recently realized I have been far too passive in my healing for the past ~? months and it's partially due to terrible therapy experiences but also I've been burying myself a little and numbing and sub/consciously forgetting. I realized when I cried at the last ep. of Russian Doll 2 {semi-spoiler !!} when Nora says "if you could choose me to be your mom, would you choose me again?" The day prior was my year anniversary of cutting ties with my mum. This was the first time I'd cried about it in the whole year since that transpired. I don't think I'd choose a different mum, despite it all. I am DELIGHTING IN and living vicariously through your and Katie's relationship. I'm so glad you're visiting her. We see her in Boston 6/24 for St. Cloud (postponed 3x !) and I couldn't be more excited. She's my wife's favorite and a close second for me (after Julien Baker ofc for my sad bitch bipolar self). Lot's of love! It's all practice -- it has to be.
Loved this Marlee! I am working on taking things one day at a time, soaking in the summer months in NYC, paying attention to the bursting trees and billowy fragrant flowers. I am working on releasing compare & despair and self judgment. I am working on letting go of expectations.