Covid Visions
Day 8 of having very few thoughts
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Coming to you live from Day 8 of Covid 19 where writing an essay would take an act of God and my HP is just as tired as I am today
Looking forward to :
Ziwe on the Bachelor tonight
Not blowing my nose every two minutes
Not sneezing every five minutes
Having thoughts again
Things I watched :
The entire new season of Queer Eye - I want my own TV show someday that is a mix of Queer Eye and Alice (L Word Generation Q) “I want a tv show” is the only thought I had all week over and over. Where I get to be the host and there is Diane Sawyer energy with a mix of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Clarissa Darling. Then my other faggy friends come and redo people’s houses and wardrobes and non profits and businesses. This has been my main covid vision. If you want to give me a TV show let me know I am ready.
The Alpinist - I will not spoil this for you but I do need you to watch this so that next week when my thoughts are back I can write about it. For now just know that in order to free solo the mountain you need so much less than you think you do to keep you safe. I haven’t cried this hard from a documentary since A Secret Love
Season Two premiere of Euphoria - Sort of makes me miss doing drugs and not knowing what is going on and feeling absolutely fucking nothing AND simultaneously reminds me why I don’t do that anymore. Part 1 : Rue with Colman Domingo is one of the greatest pieces of television I have ever seen
We all loved this this week:
Things I made :
I drew a quilt when I was teaching quilt class
I worked on my bright log cabin knit blanket
Things I read :
Nothing because I don’t know what words are anymore
Things I taught :
I moved Tuesday quilt class which felt very hard and everyone was very nice about it. I taught on Thursday and thought I was going to cry the entire time because it was so hard to make my thoughts work. Saturday I taught and my thoughts somehow worked and afterwards I crawled into a ball.
I love my students and they all made me feel safe in my sickness, safe in my staring into space when I couldn’t finish a sentence, safe in their excitement to learn.
Things I learned :
I spent the week learning from a few classes I had purchased at the end of last year but hadn’t watched yet. This was nice because I didn’t feel like I needed to comprehend anything I got to just let easy information wash over me.
I started my ASL class on Thursday and it was so peaceful and opened up new parts of my brain. I learned tree, remember, and practice.
Things I felt grateful for :
Jackie, while also home sick with Covid, has been such an amazing teammate. It has been interesting to see how our nervous systems have had a chance to rest and retune by staying home all week, both individually and with each other. She also started grad school and I love learning about what she is learning about.
June, who misses hiking just as much as we do, has been a steady sun dog and patient while it takes us longer than usual to wake up and let her outside.
All our ex girlfriends, neighbors, landlords, friends, and chosen family who brought us food, grocery shopped, checked on us, dropped off medicine, mailed herbs, shoveled our driveway, made us soup - reminders everywhere of how loved we are.
A very important book :
Knitting for Radical Self Care by my dear friend Brandi Harper is out now and you should buy it for yourself and everyone you know
Happy Birthday :
Fariha, I love you so much
Poems :
Jade’s Covid Poem got me through
Black Mountain Poems, An Anthology
On Expectations :
I am still unraveling what being sick for this many days means to me. I let the energy of “Everyone will get this” and “It’s just being sick for like 2 days” make me think this would be easy and in and out. CDC says five days back to work sounds great! I am holding the nuance of the privilege of being able to work from my couch, and letting myself feel really out of sorts being sick for this long. Covid, like anything, seems to be affecting all of us differently. She really came for me! The fatigue, sore throat, and congestion has really taken me out. I did not have a two day bummer cold I am on Day 8 of a Covid wipe out.
I leave you with many days of covid selfies
Perhaps today I will leave the perimeter of the fenced in yard, even just for a walk around the block. Period cramps flooding on top of sickness and then you’re like wait is this depression or stress or … covid? Grateful for how much sunshine there is in Denver coming through the windows.
All week I have noticed how little information there is about how to take care of ourselves when this happens - spiritually, emotionally, physically. I look forward to having more thoughts and thinking more critically about what it all means to get the virus that you have watched kill so many people, fill hospitals, spend two years avoiding getting, and then … you get it. Holding the feeling of not wanting to complain when “At least I am vaccinated and not dying” is feeling #1. And then Feeling #2 is - Is Feeling #1 blocking us from talking about how hard it is to have it, even when you don’t die from it?
More to be revealed
xo
mar
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